Tinder Passport: A Journey Around the Globe
I often find myself bored, but the boredom I felt before the pandemic couldn’t even match the level I found myself in when I re-joined Tinder, but not exactly for the reason you may think. As it turns out, in general, I have a horrible hatred of dating—which probably stems from my general disinterest in most guys and a short temper with boring conversations. Every year, I force myself to go on a date for the year, and then remember why I hate dating so much. Forgetting it until the next year, the cycle repeats.
I first used Tinder in 2015 at the first university I attended, a school in the middle of nowhere, until I realized that everyone I didn’t want to talk to in person was on the app. This quickly ruined the app for me. Even at that point, the select few guys that I have some interest in have never come from Tinder—Hinge or Bumble are currently more my speed, if anything. Maybe it’s the fact that my “ex-boyfriend” constantly used Tinder while we were “together,” or the annoyance that some of the guys I was friendly with tried to hook up with me on the app even though they never expressed their interest in person. Nevertheless, Tinder never was for me.
Source: Cnet.com
Fast forward almost 5 years later since properly using the app (and one virtual happy hour with my best friend Sharyn), and here we are taking advantage of the free Tinder Passport feature! It actually didn’t seem half bad to me because I remembered my countless encounters with gorgeous Europeans. Who doesn’t love a cute guy from Barcelona, Paris, Lisbon, Copenhagen, or London? Solely as a scientific experiment, Sharyn and I started using the app to perhaps get an answer to the debate we constantly have: Are European guys better than American guys? We both started to talk to Europeans using the new Tinder feature to compare them to New Yorkers, recapping our experiences weekly. Here are some of our observations regarding our findings based on European guys I spoke with:
Source: Twitter
Kyle*
Currently Living: London
Age: 24
Bio: “London; 24; Just some fun; If you dress as good as me, I like you; Insta ______”
My thoughts:
Bio Rating: No, ma’am. Clearly a player with the “just some fun.” Thanks, we get it!
Cute Level: Arabic Timothée Chalamet complete with curly hair, sans the great personal style which MUST be a major occupational hazard seeing that he’s somehow managed to get a styling job?
Conversation Rating: Quite funny to recount what Scientology is to people that don’t understand it (seems that Europeans are too refined to ever know of such a thing). A bit hurt that Americans are known for being full of “creative individuals” who believe in crazy things, but it is what it is.
Sharyn’s thoughts:
Bio Rating: “If you dress as good as me,” had me pause for a minute because first of all, it’s “as well” (sorry, grammarian here), and second of all, he’s wearing a jacket that’s two sizes too big. It’s definitely not difficult to dress as “good” as he does. How does this guy make money from his freelance stylist job? Next.
Cute Level: I really can’t even tell because his oversized jacket seems to swallow his entire face. The curly hair is nice, though.
Conversation Rating: Okay, he seems pretty open and sarcastically funny, which I do like, but why so many emojis? What is he trying to compensate for?
Chad*
Currently Living: London
Age: 22
Bio: “Medical student @ Manchester; Currently quarantined in Athens, its great”
My thoughts:
Bio Rating: Average, at best.
Cute Level: Everyone and their mother looks cute behind sunglasses (not sure who is who, because there are so many friends on his profile—so I’m going to pick the cuter one because I deserve it!)
Conversation Rating: We may or may not have gotten into a fight where I told him I didn’t love my trip to Greece, and he got really offended. FYI: I didn’t bother reading his bio that he was Greek until later on so that was my bad... but we got over it, so it was certainly interesting!
Sharyn’s thoughts:
Bio Rating: I guess he seems kind of smart, apart from using “its” instead of “it’s?” I don’t know... is Manchester Medical School a good school? I will text my UK friend and figure this out.
Cute Level: His entire face is basically blocked in the photo, but hey who knows, maybe this guy is really a stunner underneath the Ray-Bans and semi-dirty Champion cap. I actually just realized, I don’t even know if that’s him. His photo is with his friend, so for all I know, his “friend” could actually be him. Ugh, I hate when guys do this! I get it, you have friends but at least have the decency to cross out your friend’s face so I know which one is you! P.S.— both of them are wearing Ray-Bans, so I can’t even decide which is the cuter of the two.
Conversation Rating: Apparently, Kanika got into a fight with this guy about Greece? Enough said in regards to conversation.
Matt*
Currently Living: Amsterdam
Age: 22
Bio: Blank
My thoughts:
Bio Rating: Better than a stupid quarantine pickup line!
Cute Level: He’s kind of cute, if you like dehydrated-looking soft boys, which I actually definitely do.
Conversation Rating: It’s kind of cute when he says, “come visit me,” and then you say, “haha nope,” and then he says, “okay I’ll come to visit you!” But then you let it sit for more than 10 seconds and he continues talking about coming to New York. And now, you can’t help but wonder if he’s secretly one of the people who believe the pandemic is all just a hoax. This involves more anxiety that I don’t need in my life right now.
Sharyn’s thoughts:
Bio Rating: Blank bios can really be a hit or a miss. Maybe this guy is just so cool that he doesn’t even need an introduction... Or maybe he’s a high school dropout living in his mother’s basement.
Cute Level: He’s cute, I’ll give him that. Like pre-puberty Niall Horan type of cute.
Conversation Rating: So, Kanika tells him to come to New York (as a joke), and he says, “I rather stay in Amsterdam at the moment.” Have a sense of humor, please. Even his cute, prepubescent, Niall Horan looks can’t save him from his lackluster personality.
Steven*
Currently Living: Mallorca (Majorca)
Age: 24
Bio: “Salty Hair 4ever”
My thoughts:
Bio Rating: I hate this. I’m not sure why he thought it was a good idea to use a basic Instagram caption as his bio, either. So many questions I don’t think I ever want the answers to. I haven’t said “4ever” unironically in years!
Cute Level: Super hot. He is definitely the stereotypical gorgeous Spanish man, and clearly likes to workout!
Conversation Rating: Like almost all Europeans, he believes I’m an ignorant American, but he’s definitely brave for actually trying to call me out on being one! But, the joke is on him, because I’ve actually been to Majorca—so, it’s kind of rude to be presumptuous.
Sharyn’s thoughts:
Bio Rating: I am so embarrassed for him. Where is my therapist when I need her?
Cute Level: Sexy Nick Bateman here. Nice face structure, nice tan, nice slight scruff—the only issue is him having “salty hair.” Eh, I guess no one is perfect.
Conversation Rating: I’m actually offended he suggested that Kanika had googled Majorca instead of actually having been there. Why would he make that assumption? Seems kind of arrogant.
Noah*
Currently Living: London
Age: 23
Bio: Blank
My thoughts:
Bio Rating: Again, better than a dumb quarantine pickup line!
Cute Level: Clearly hot and academic, given the turtleneck moment. I love that, especially on a guy who’s not afraid of one. Possibly a brooding artistic type that will complain about not being able to drink his special Kombucha during quarantine, so he ends up making his own.
Conversation Rating: Sweet, and really cool to talk to. He didn’t do the half-assed bare minimum and wasn’t super weird about not meeting at this very moment. Finally, someone normal!
Sharyn’s thoughts:
Bio Rating: Boring.
Cute Level: Boring.
Conversation Rating: ...and, you guessed it: Boring!
Liam*
Currently Living: Copenhagen
Job: Unknown
Age: 24
Bio: “May not, I can beat you in a game of ‘cheating’; Insta______; Jura, KU”
My thoughts:
Bio Rating: Either Google Translate has some explaining to do or he does, because I’m beyond confused! And I certainly won’t be bothered to try and attempt a cultural translation.
Cute Level: If I’m his type, then honey, I’ll be in Copenhagen yesterday because wow.
Conversation Rating: He clearly does not understand what Tinder Passport is or why we are talking in the first place! I’m a bit let down, because he’s exactly my type.
Sharyn’s thoughts
Bio Rating: I don’t speak Danish, so like Kanika, I am also confused.
Cute Level: Okay, another sexy Nick Bateman. But this one has a tight grey turtleneck on, so you know this is a Nick Bateman who’s in touch with the times.
Conversation Rating: This conversation leaves much to be desired. He seems impatient after asking Kanika twice what the point of talking was if they were never going to meet. Like, hello? We are in a pandemic; did you want Kanika to fly to Copenhagen… “yesterday”?
Overall conclusion
My thoughts:
As of yet, there is only the occasionally very attractive European guy who then ends up being cool to talk to. The rest are equally annoying, perhaps because I’m very annoying, too. I personally think this was a fluke, because I’ve met and conversed with lots of European men, and they aren’t this bland or frustrating. I’ve met several loves-of-my-lives on holiday in Europe as well.
However, I didn’t get any unsolicited nudes, and I didn’t get asked if I wanted to go on a “car ride” with them or if I wanted to come to a party, and fortunately, I didn’t encounter a “what are you up to tonight ;),” which is genuinely a step up, in my eyes. While I don’t think Sharyn and I have either proved or disproved that European guys are better than Americans, all of the attractive ones were into the idea of hanging out in real life, so I’ll likely take it over Matt, the shady “art collector” from Yonkers!
Sharyn’s thoughts:
European guys are neither better nor worse than American guys. Both European guys and American guys have their good (and bad) moments, so I’ve come to the shocking discovery that maybe it’s just a guy thing. All jokes aside, there are good men and (relatively) bad men no matter where you go. I’ve always been a “grass is greener” type of girl, but realized that the grass is neither greener nor better on the European side. Both lawns will have the occasional weed, but then again, what lawn doesn’t?
*All names have been changed and omitted for anonymity and privacy purposes. Some Tinder bios have been roughly translated into English.