Bachelorette Returns: Clare Crowley & COVID-19 Tests
Source: Hollywood Reporter
Clare Crowley
Finally, the newest season of The Bachelorette has arrived. Bust out the prerequisite bottles of rosé and make the long journey to your couch. It’s time to finally see how the show I love to hate worked amidst a global pandemic—I definitely don’t have high hopes.
39-year-old Clare Crowley is looking for love and thinks her best option is to be on the Bachelorette, after 3 failed stints: 1 appearance on The Bachelor and 2 on Bachelor in Paradise. Clare, sweetie—it’s 2020, use a dating app like the rest of us. You can wear sweatpants and you don’t have to leave your house.
At the beginning of every new season, a preview of what is to come starts off the pilot episode. Based on the preview, I have a feeling that Clare being 40 is going to be a hot topic like Colton’s virginity or Pilot Peter’s windmill shtick. It shows the same boring out-of-context clips until the host, Chris Harrison—who is ever the drama queen—declares to a crying Clare, “Congratulations! You just blew up the Bachelorette!” Seriously, Chris, you need to get out more. And by getting out more, I mean spend time with your journalist girlfriend and find fewer cliché taglines. We get it, she left mid-season, but c’mon dude.
Source: PEOPLE
Clare and her cast of 31 suitors
Some takeaways on the 31 guys of Clare’s season (the more memorable people):
Oddly, they completely ignore that Matt James (OG Tyler C.’s best friend) was once a contestant. But good on him for becoming the first Black Bachelor in the 18-year history of the show.
Bennett is the most New York man ever: 36, went to Harvard, Wealth Management Consultant, uses sheet face masks, pulls up in a Rolls Royce, walks in dressed to the nines (I love an impeccably dressed man), and sips martinis like he’s a modern-day James Bond.
Yes, Kenny is a boyband manager. That tells me everything I need to know about him.
Yosef is a divorcee, dad to a 4-year-old (remember that for later!), and brings Clare moon-pies. Someone later jokingly calls them a thin mint and he gets slightly offended (yes, over a snack).
We’ve got another Tyler C. with an adorable accent; coming in with a station wagon was really freaking cute. He seems down-to-Earth and like he would make a great dad one day!
Brandon is another New Yorker and seems very chill and nice. I like him!
AJ claims that he makes really bad first impressions and then holds Clare’s hand too hard. Supposedly, this is “bad,” but I love that he was so nervous! Also 10 out of 10 for the maroon suit.
The man of the hour: Dale. Worst kept secret of the franchise, Clare and Dale leave mid-season to galavant off into the sunset in a red convertible (not actually, but I wouldn’t be surprised). Clare says the following cliché statements after meeting him for barely 30 seconds: “Love at first sight,” and “I knew it!” and, “I’m 39, you know these things.” Do people seriously believe the delusional words that come out of their mouths?! Thank God this show exists to make me feel sane.
Source: Marie Claire
From left to right: Matt James, Bennett Jordan, Kenny Braasch, Yosef Aborady, Tyler Cottrill, Brandon Goss, AJ Jalawan, and Dale Moss.
After meeting all of the men, the most redeeming part of the show was seeing Clare’s dogs. Also, watching a bunch of hyper-toxic men starting fights with each other is TV gold. So right off the bat, we have Yosef and Tyler C getting into it about Yosef sending other girls Instagram DMs. Why is it that every time someone fights on this show, it's x, y or z did something on Instagram, or secretly has a significant other? This is a running Stagecoach 2.0 moment! Verdict on the first fight: boring, next, keep Tyler C. 2.0, he’s adorable and well-intentioned. The preview shows that later on, Yosef is a jerk about Clare’s age and the resident villain; I’ve got my popcorn and drink ready for that drama!
Source: Life and Style
Tyler C., Clare, and Yosef
Here’s a fun drinking game (for legal readers) to get through 2 hours of this oncoming train-wreck:
Take a sip of wine every time Clare’s age is brought up!
Listen, she uses it herself to claim that she “knows things” and that is why “she knows what she wants.” Everyone needs to relax on this topic—age isn’t a personality trait.
Take a sip of wine for every minute of the pandemic montage!
Thirty minutes of the entire episode were dedicated to a massive montage of quarantine and tests. I couldn’t be less interested in watching a bunch of grown men travel to a Palm Springs resort and complain about getting a COVID-19 test. I haven’t seen many of my friends or traveled since March, you can survive getting a test that allows you to swap saliva on a reality TV show!
Take a sip of wine every time a contestant tries to be believable that he’s there for “the right reasons”!
We all know by now that people go on this show to become Instagram models/fit tea influencers/join Bachelor in Paradise. It’s not exactly a secret at this point.
Take a sip of wine every time Clare says the words “grateful” and “sacrifice”!
We get it, you get to kiss and hug people while I wear a mask around all my friends. Although this show is a necessary distraction, it comes across as tone-deaf. Just enjoy that you can do this and others can’t!
Take a sip of wine every time you are waiting for Tayshia Adams to take over!
Source: PEOPLE