Has The Pandemic Changed The Way We Love And Date?

Putting yourself out there to find love is hard enough, but throw the COVID-19 on top of that and it’s instantly more complicated. Are Zoom dates here to stay for good? Do I risk getting COVID-19 just to see a potential boyfriend or girlfriend? How do you date someone while staying six feet away from them? How do I know someone likes me through a screen? These are questions everyone is asking themselves—myself included.

When the world was hit with the pandemic, everyone's lives were turned upside down, including their love life. The ability to casually go on dates, meet someone new, physically touch someone… it was all suddenly gone, just like that. So, where exactly do we go from here? Do we avoid dating completely? How do we navigate our dating life in 2021? These are all very important questions, and I’m here, along with some dating and relationship experts, to help you answer them.

Nayeema Raza, a filmmaker and a writer wrote a column for the New York Times in May of 2020 discussing the issues and main importance of mental health for those that are searching for relationships during a time we’re supposed to be social distancing. In her article, Raza states, “Early research from the Kinsey Institute suggests that while everyone is lonelier now, single people are the loneliest. The psychotherapist Esther Perel explained to me this is because [the] crisis is a “relationship accelerator.” Unhappy marriages lurch to divorce. Young lovers rush to cohabitate on a third date. And single people realize: I don’t want to die alone.”

Furthermore, there is another obstacle—kissing with a mask on. Susan Krauss Whitbourne, who is a professor of psychology and brain sciences states on Psychology Today, “Kissing a person you’ve just met for the first time in person has its own hazards.”

If, as Raza notes, “kissing is the most effective way to gauge chemistry” it also, unfortunately, is “the most efficient way to contract the coronavirus.”

Angela N. Holton

Angela N. Holton is an international dating and relationship expert, as well as a speaker, certified life coach, and the author of The Conscious Love & Dating Method Workbook Journal: Deepen Understanding of Yourself & Improve Your Relationships. She was also chosen to be a part of Yahoo! Finance’s Top 10 Relationship Coaches in 2020. Furthermore, she is the founder of “Love Sanctuary,” which is an online spiritual and personal development website that focuses on empowering women to create a relationship and love they want from the inside, out. Holton is also the creator of The Conscious Love & Dating Method, which is a modern approach to dating and relationships; she teaches her method over an eight-week virtual workshop/course.

When it comes to dating during the pandemic, Holton explains, “This pandemic has allowed us to experience what I like to call “old-school dating” and courtship. Dating and relationships during the pandemic/quarantine has required us to build connections from the inside, out. Connections built on mental, emotional, and intellectual chemistry.” She also explains that talking on the phone, playing games with your significant other, doing puzzles, etc., has ultimately led couples to become more creative.

Monique Kelley

Monique Kelley is the well-known blogger behind the site Confessions Of A Serial Dater in LA. After going through a divorce, she decided to take the pain she was experiencing and turn it into something more, which led to her blog. Monique is currently the resident dating expert on NBC’S daytime show, Access Live, NBC’s regional show California Live and Fox LA’s morning show, Good Day LA. She has been a guest on a variety of talk shows such as Tamron Hall, Access Live, and Good Day LA. Furthermore, her first novel, Reality in Chaos, was released on January 14th, which follows the lives of three best friends who are trying to navigate the unexpected realities of life.

When discussing if the pandemic has changed the way people will date in the future, Kelley believes that it has absolutely changed it in a few ways: “Number one, you know the way you meet people. The dating app rate has increased significantly—I want to say over 40%—during this time because that is the only way people can meet, especially with the second lockdown. The second thing is that people are now doing more facetiming or virtual dating. People weren’t doing that before, so there's more facetiming, more virtual dating. What a lot of people are doing now as they get to know someone and decide to take the next step, they're asking people to get a COVID-19 test. It’s forcing people to have those conversations that you wouldn’t necessarily have about health, and where you’ve been, and who you’ve been with, just because it's out of safety.”

On the topic of encouraging dating apps, Kelley believes everyone should try it at least once, but at the same time, it is totally okay if you don't like it. She says, “I think with a lot of singles, people make them feel guilty or feeling like they’re doing something wrong if they don’t like dating apps. Okay so, I encourage it, if you’ve never tried it before, to try it because right now there’s a lot of people on dating apps who wouldn’t normally be on there because that's essentially the only way to meet people [right now].”

When I asked Kelley how someone can tell if a person is being genuine through a screen, she said “You know, to be honest, it was difficult to figure that out even with old school dating. You have to look at it, you know it's a new time, so you have to look at a Zoom date as you would a regular date. Even from getting dressed and getting ready for the date, looking presentable. You still have to listen to what someone is saying. You’ll be able to hear everything and figure out everything if you just listen.”

Overall, Monique Kelley believes that the pandemic, in a way, has had a positive effect on love because people are now more willing to start a relationship. At the same time, people need to be careful in terms of making sure the person they’re talking to is not a “Corona flame.” They also need to see that the other person is still making an effort and making their time together special, even though it is virtual; this will ultimately show you that they’re being serious and genuine.

Benefits of Zoom Dates

While some may prefer having a first date and meeting people in person, others are actually enjoying Zoom dates. First dates are usually dreaded, especially if you decide you don’t really like the other person within the first 20 minutes. With Zoom dates, there isn’t much thought that goes into it; you share your Zoom link, and boom! You’re on a date in your living room. No one is spending hours getting ready or figuring out where to have dinner, and the overall experience is very laid back and simple.

In an article, 8 People on Why Zoom Dating Is the Best, Actually, a woman named Abigail explains, “Personally, I am loving the Zoom chats where I can be myself without worrying about people judging me for my appearance. No more taking hours to [get] ready for a date when a cute beanie and comfy sweater will do the trick! It’s also handy if the date is going bad—not only have you saved time on getting ready, but the money wasted on commuting and polite drinks/food while waiting to find the best excuse to get yourself out of there is no longer an issue. It’s a great way to screen potential matches.”

While another woman explains, “I initially thought I would be more into IRL dating than using video-chatting, but I’ve been talking to someone I met on Hinge via FaceTime for the past two weeks, and it’s been good so far. We really hit it off—more so than I have with anyone in real life in probably more than two years. It seems like communicating via phone and FaceTime before actually meeting has allowed us to find common ground and interests before anything physical takes place.”

COVID-19 Isn’t Stopping Everyone From Finding Love

Serena Kerrigan, known as the “Queen of Confidence,” rose to fame during quarantine when she decided to take love and dating into her own hands and created her own virtual dating show, called “Let’s Fucking Date.” People instantly became hooked and called it better than The Bachelorette, while the Today Show called it a “Must Watch.” Right before the pandemic hit, Kerrigan left her job at Refinery29 where her role consisted of producing videos, to instead follow her dreams and focus on her own personal brand.

Her website states, “In March, Serena observed the changing digital dating landscape and seized an opportunity to create, produce, and host the first reality show entirely on Instagram Live: Let’s Fucking Date. Each week, Serena goes on a blind first date while thousands of her fans and friends watch in real time. Immediately following the date, Serena hosts a live after-show, allowing her followers weigh in and discuss what they've just witnessed. This event is often joined by celebrity guests, including Chris Appleton (Jennifer Lopez's hairdresser), Ariana Madix (Vanderpump Rules), Danielle Bernstein (WeWoreWhat), Hunter Mcgrady (Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Model) and more.”

Turns out, the pandemic actually had a positive effect on Kerrigan’s love life and overall brand. Although Kerrigan hasn’t found “the one” yet, the pandemic has helped put herself out there—and she’s created this amazing online community of women who truly look up to her.

Before the pandemic, my sister, Albiona was single—and lonelier than ever. She was interested in finding love and finding her person, but with COVID-19, her options of finding a significant other were limited. During the lockdown, she felt even more defeated and figured it would be a while before she dated someone. Bored with nothing else to do besides quarantine, she figured it wouldn’t hurt to respond to a direct message she received from a guy on Instagram. Fast forward eight months later and Albiona is in a fully committed relationship.

“I never expected to actually find a boyfriend on Instagram, let alone during a pandemic,” she says. But for Albiona, the pandemic made her relationship stronger and brought her closer to her boyfriend. She explains, “During the first few weeks where we couldn’t see each other in person, we constantly texted, spoke over the phone, and FaceTimed. This really allowed us to connect and get to know each other on a deeper level. Once we met in person, we grew even closer. I honestly don’t think I would have met my boyfriend if it wasn’t for the pandemic, because I would have never entertained the idea of responding to a message from a guy on Instagram.”

While the pandemic has brought love to some, it has also taken it away from others. Jada Carter is a college student, single, and currently living in Philadelphia. She explains, “I was in a relationship when COVID-19 came about. It impacted my relationship negatively since my partner was an international student and went back to his country for safety. Time apart along with other factors became too much and we called it off.”

But Carter doesn’t think finding love during the pandemic is entirely impossible. “I think people are motivated to find [love]. This pandemic made it easy to become lonely, and everyone needs a little compassion” she says.

Lastly, for those that are feeling lonely and looking for love during this time, Carter’s one tip is using dating apps. She explains, “There's plenty of people who are on there for the same reason—because we are lonely and need someone to talk to. It's a fun experience.”

2020 was a tough year, and no one really knows what our future will look like. Although the pandemic has put a stop to people dating in person, it has also introduced a new way for others to connect and put themselves out there. Dating during this time doesn’t necessarily need to be impossible—these days, all you really need is an iPhone and a stable Internet connection.