The Biracial Truth — The Lexington Line

“What are you?”

This is a short question that has been asked more times than I can recount growing up. It seems that my fair skin, curly hair, and green eyes have made an impression, and it leaves most wandered eyes intrigued by the ethnicity that makes up my features. After answering, the upsetting reality is there are no warning signs for the “you don’t look hispanic” or the “you’re too light to be black” comments that follow. But, how is someone else to judge what qualifies you as biracial?

Over the years, I have learned the hard way that society has created their own definition of what someone who is biracial should look like. Not only has this made many people feel insecure for not meeting the appearance standards that are expected, but this insecurity can have a big impact on devaluating self-worth and affect our behaviors around others. While living in a society that is filled with high stakes on its own, there is a whole different meaning behind what it’s like to be biracial. To further this discussion, I interviewed individuals within the mixed community to go over the highs, lows, and unique experiences that come with being biracial.

Dakota Rhae is a former fashion model and now certified yoga teacher with her own service called Self Love Sunday. She prides herself on using phenomenon app TikTok to inform the community on what it’s like to be both Dutch and Jamaican. Since social media is home to millions of users, it may be surprising that there is not a lot of easily accessible information on this topic on our screens. This is where Dakota stands out. Ensuring a voice is heard, Dakota has posted numerous videos on various topics regarding growing up biracial, self-love tips for black women, how to properly take care of natural mixed hair and more.

Since we both have a passion for sharing our importance in speaking about the mixed community, it’s only fair to start at the beginning, which is where most individuals face harsh stereotypes based on their race.

“I remember everyone assuming I played basketball just because I was tall and brown,” Dakota explains. “Everyone thought I was my babysitter's child and not my mother's because my sitter was a light-skinned Latina, and that matched my skin tone more than my mother's dark complexion.” There is strong comparison for biracial individuals to be bluntly judged or receive derogatory remarks based on skin tone and or features. For some reason, it seems more logically accurate for genes to be split 50/50, but in real terms, there is no real determination for how one can inhabit the skin tone or features that one parent or the other holds.

When furthering the details on stereotypes received based on appearance, Dakota adds, “I remember growing up feeling like I didn't fully belong anywhere. In my neighborhood, everyone was darker than me. In school, everyone was lighter than me.” This is an issue that one too many have faced.

A study completed by Raw Research Center stated, “About one-in-eight (12%) multiracial adults say they have at least sometimes felt like an outsider because of their mixed racial background.” To feel excluded from your own community or group that you live in is a common insecurity that most mixed people face.

Another common stereotype is the way of dress or speech. Countless times have I heard “you don’t talk black,” or “the way you dress doesn’t have a hispanic feel” is endless. There shouldn’t be a distinction in order to “prove” that you are truly connected to your race. However, this ideology can often force individuals in the mixed community to feel forced to conform or cling to one race in order to appeal to others.

When asking Dakota on how being biracial has affected her behavior individually or around others, she explained, “I think of myself as a chameleon because I feel like I have been assimilating to my surroundings my whole life. I came out of the womb knowing how to code-switch, but that in and of itself has left me feeling like I don't really know who I truly am because I switch so much based on who I'm around.”

Because we are made of two races, we are able to healthily express both sides without excluding one or have the feeling that we aren’t fully expressing ourselves. It’s important to separate race and self-expression, and instead focus on one’s self-interest to not make one feel they have to choose one or the other. Even though it takes time, Dakota continues to push the boundaries of how important it is to stop feeding into stereotypes and to instead celebrate the beauty of embracing two cultures.

Christopher Kinney is a manufacturer who specializes in production management. The business industry has faced numerous backlashes over their excuses of not having diversity within their team.

Being in conversation with Christopher about being Caucasian and Filipino, we talked about his experiences of ever feeling there was enough representation of biracial people in the industry and society in general, where Kinney states, “I don’t think there was before, but now I think there is more than ever.”

Over the years, social media and public speakers have helped push the narrative of the misplacement that biracial people can face. When asking if he ever felt misplaced by society he answered, “At times… but I learned to appreciate and embrace it. I sympathized with their ignorance.” Oftentimes when we face scrutiny by immature comments or jokes, it’s important to stay aware of our own power of uniqueness.

“Society has caused me to have insecurities, wanting mixed individuals to choose which race they should belong to. Like, pick a side? It doesn’t work that way.”

My last interview was with Lanee Moore, who is both Caucasian and African American. Growing up, she faced assumptions by others who thought she was not biologically her mother’s daughter because she looked different in appearance.

More than once, there were times when society made her feel that she had to pick a side and couldn’t express herself as both races. “Society has caused me to have insecurities, wanting mixed individuals to choose which race they should belong to. Like, pick a side? It doesn’t work that way,” she explains. It’s hard to expect someone to favor one of their races over the other when they are two completely different cultures. In a way, it’s equivalent to asking one to abandon their identity and to be someone they're not.

When conversing further on how one can accurately cover this topic, Lanee answered, “People can educate themselves, and provide comfort for those who question themselves. The best educators are those who have experience in the area, and who are relatable.” I believe it’s important to surround yourself with others who support what makes all of you you.

Even though there are many challenges that come along, there are also some really great highs we can personally identify with. When asking all interviewees, they expressed that the positives of being biracial is the best of both worlds. They answered, “We're different and exotic,” said Christopher.

“I'm very lucky to have 2 ethnicities/cultures. I feel lucky to have spent time in both my parent's countries and learn their languages. That's something I wouldn't have experienced had I not been biracial,” said Dakota. Sharing two different races, we are able to experience different cultures within food, music, language, and traditions that can bring a strong connection with family and friends.

Although there is still more that needs to be done within the mixed community, there are organizations one can turn to that help gain awareness on this topic and educate the appropriate way to head towards more inclusion. One specific organization is Project Race who was founded in 1993 by Susan Graham and Chris Ashe. Their organization states, “Project Race advocates for multiracial children, multiracial adults, and their families primarily through multiracial education and community awareness.”

Within their site, they also share family stories that consist of numerous multicultural families who share how they connect as a blended family and work to understand one another’s experiences living in a privileged society that can bring discouragement. They strongly encourage those who are wanting to further understand how to overcome these misconceptions to join and connect with others in the community.

This also goes for biracial individuals raising or even being raised by a single-raced person. Over the last few years, there has been this “trend” to have mixed children without realizing the serious hardships that can follow. It can often feel like living with different identities for someone growing up with two or more races, and it can create a barrier of who to turn to that can identify with your struggles.

In speaking with my three interviewees, visiting the Project Race organization, and evaluating my own values; the biracial community holds both uniqueness and mystery where in appearance language, and history, we are able to be a representation of multiple cultures. And that is the biracial truth.