Pretty Privilege: Can You Cheat Life With Your Looks?

We’ve all heard that attractive people are almost always better competitors in job interviews than their less attractive counterparts. But did you also know that research shows pretty people are viewed as healthier? More persuasive? Make more money? More friendly? Happier? Even if the person judging all of these attributes knows nothing at all about the person, people tend to believe it. So, why is this?

Especially in a day and age where social media rules the world, so to speak, being attractive often goes unacknowledged as a privilege. Modeling and influencing careers can be established with large followings and getting noticed by scouts, brands will reach out to good-looking and likable accounts to send them free products, club promoters will DM “hot college girls,” and now the trending app TikTok even partakes in the “pretty people” and racial AI technology algorithm.

The idea of “pretty privilege” is something that sounds modern, but can be traced back for ages. In our society where male privilege or white privilege (both extremely prevalent) are so well-known and talked about so frequently, the idea of pretty privilege almost sounds like a sham. Contrary to belief, it is actually proven that there are real benefits of being labeled as beautiful under societal expectations. Yet, pretty privilege is continuously ignored.

Let’s dive right in and hear from a few people to see if they’ll step up to the plate and open up on how they have experienced pretty privilege and what has come along with it—good or bad.

My first interview was with Chris Hansen, a thirty-year-old former model from Pacific Beach. On how being attractive has benefited his life overall, Chris quickly blurts, “Can’t even tell you how much it has done. I’d be a fool to say it hasn’t done a lot. Sounds bad to admit, but I feel like just the overall respect and trust from random people is something that stands out, personally.”

Working as lead valet at the one of the most prestigious country clubs in Southern California, Chris has had people pull up in Bentleys and McLarens and place the most nonchalant trust in him, and he feels he has to recognize that it’s because he is an attractive white male. He admits, “It’s a weird thing, for sure. But I can’t deny it.” Halo effect? Clearly.

On having jobs where looks are a huge contributor, Chris feels that his looks have helped in every single position he’s ever applied or interviewed for. He admits, “I feel kind of ashamed to say that, but I think it’s only right that I’m honest. I’ve been pulled aside by those modeling scouts with the business cards at the beach more times I can count, and they don’t know a thing about me, or anything about my work ethic.”

Chris reflects on how he’s stuck with valet jobs at country clubs and chuckles nervously as he confesses, “You wouldn’t believe what people tip me and my coworkers. I think what I’m molding here is, yeah, I get those tips because I’m personable and chill, but definitely because of my appearance.”

When I asked Chris if he’s experienced a difference in getting hired or not based on if a female or male interviews him, he laughed and replied, “Definitely noticed a difference when girls were doing the interviewing. Felt more like a flirty convo. My jobs following a takeout window in high school were Abercrombie, Hollister, and Hurley. Each time a young woman interviewed me and I got hired, definitely not for my retail skills. I didn’t even have any.”

He mentioned to me that they had him standing in the entryway saying hi to people walking in or walking by. “I was obviously there to catch everyone’s eye.”

He claims that the jobs made him feel shallow and that all of his worth was in his looks.

“So after a few weeks I would quit”, he shrugged off and continued, “I felt like I had no worth other than standing there to look good, you know? But at the same time, I can only imagine how many other people applied for those jobs and were way more deserving based on their qualifications.” Clearly, we can conclude here that pretty privilege extends to men—it isn’t just women who benefit from it.

Next, we have the lovely Ronique. She is a blogger and influencer on Instagram who is a big promoter of authenticity. On the topic of pretty privilege, she traces it back to her mother, who Ronique claims was always known as the “big-lipped and nappy-headed girl” growing up in her family and community. After giving birth to her daughters, she noticed they grew up to be extremely beautiful women, and it was like a “sigh of relief” since they wouldn’t be subject to the same kind of prejudice she had encountered. Ronique has been conditioned her whole life to know that she is an attractive black woman due to compliments from family, friends, and strangers.

She recalls that she has been given seats on buses, or has had doors held open for her by men so they could be rewarded a “thank you” or a nice smile, but she also realizes the sexual psychology behind this—men wanting favors repaid by attractive women. She states that her bone structure is feminine and round, and most of her womanly features are proportionate. She makes an interesting point in how we’re led to believe looks do not matter. Yet, here Ronique is, acknowledging that her attractiveness and academic ability have provided gains for her.

Vivi Koenig, a twenty-two year old model, actress, and influencer from Berlin, Germany, was my next interviewee. She has grown in popularity over Instagram with her sustainable, vegan lifestyle, and not to mention, her beautiful looks and aesthetically-pleasing feed. She’s known for her free-spirited aesthetic as well as the positivity she spreads with her social media presence. When I spoke with Vivi, she talked to me about how, as a model, she persistently feels the pressure to constantly look good and always look and be happy.

She realized the way her appearance affected how she was treated at a very, very young age. She mentions, “I guess I noticed even before I could even communicate verbally. Maybe it’s just the way people treat little girls, but I have never had it hard. Everybody said I’m cute and pretty, and this affected me in puberty a lot.”

Vivi notes how she thought she always had to make justice to the words people said to her and always be the pretty, sweet, and nice girl they thought she was. She concluded by opening up that although she has issues, just like everyone else, and doesn’t like parts of her body—sometimes she actually wishes she was less attractive so people could see her for who she really is. She states, “And not just as what I look like on the outside.”

In relation to Vivi, my next interviewee, Christina Palavra, had similar feelings. Christina is a twenty-five-year-old model and actress living in Bushwick, NY. She is currently signed under STATE Management, was a model on Project Runway Season 16, and also won Miss Rhode Island USA 2014 along with Miss Congeniality USA 2014.

Regarding being complimented so often, she surprisingly replied, “Whenever I receive a compliment from someone, I immediately get insecure. I’m grateful they think that of me, but would they still treat me so kindly if I wasn’t as beautiful?” Christina adds that she often seeks validation when it comes to her appearance. She fears that she will attract the wrong people because of the way she looks, and that they will just want to keep it physical. “Being ‘beautiful’ comes with more than just a pretty face,” she confesses.

She expresses that she struggled a lot with feeling beautiful among her peers growing up. Christina states, “I remember hating my hair, and basically frying my hair until it was straight enough to get someone other than my mom to think I was pretty.”

Because she is mixed (half Brazilian, half Cape Verdean), she has accepted the way she looks for the most part, but has struggled feeling “enough” among African Americans and Caucasians, because she’s not black or white enough, and even around some Latinos because she’s not Latina enough. She voices that, “I struggle with my identity in those situations because I’m pretty enough to be around them, but not enough of one race to understand them or be able to have an opinion on the race as a whole.”

While speaking to Ms. Palavra, we dove into the negative aspects of pretty privilege that often go overlooked. She informs that me that for years she has tried to keep her looks up to a certain par and that it has taken a toll on her mental health. She admits, “I recently started being insecure with my body and with the fact that it’s impossible for me to always look 100%.”

On the topic of Instagram and how it can propel careers, she tells me how even being someone with a huge following, she had to take a break from the app because she was comparing herself to almost every person she saw. She reveals, “I know that’s not healthy and that the lives people have on social media are totally different from the lives they live day to day, but I wanted validation that I am good enough and beautiful enough to have a successful life.”

She concludes, “Once people set the bar on my beauty, it feels like I have to maintain that expectation. And that, to me, is just unrealistic.”

Dani* was another person I got to interview. As a former cocktail waitress at Encore Beach Club, often referred to as the hottest pool party in the world, Dani says she has hands-down received opportunities she didn’t truly earn.

She mentions how on the job, “Jewelry and trips to exotic places have been offered a couple times. Once, I had a guy propose to me with a ring in one hand and first-class tickets to Dubai in the other after only knowing me three days on the job.”

She stared at me with a blank expression and added, “Like, I can’t make this sh*t up,” as I stared at her in disbelief during our FaceTime call. She also revealed that she has been let off of speeding tickets from male officers more than once. After she mentioned that most of her life people have cared more about her looks, I asked her if that hurts.

She nodded and proceeded, “Definitely. I was on a high-horse for a few years, but I don’t know, you get burnt out. I’ve had patients at my current job tell me ‘Wow—you’re actually really intelligent.’ As if that’s a surprise to them, and that cuts deep. So yes, it hurts, but it’s the price I pay if that makes sense.”

I wrapped up the interview by asking if she has enjoyed pretty privilege, where she replied, “Interesting question. At times pretty privilege was a priority for me… To get something. But at the same time, I’ve had countless people make assumptions that just because I’m attractive and wearing a top showing cleavage that I’d welcome sexual comments or touching.”

She admits that the objectification took a back seat to the attention and opportunities. She confesses that, “Somewhere along the way, I lost my voice because the pros outweighed the cons.”

The last person I had the opportunity to interview was Nicki, a fifty-six-year-old living in Atlanta, Georgia with her wife and two daughters. Nicki has been a stylist for years and has worked with numerous celebrities such as Lisa Vanderpump, Nelly, and has been on set for photoshoots with models such as Bella Hadid. I was particularly interested in interviewing someone who still profits off of pretty privilege, but also experienced it in previous years before the age of social media really set in. When I asked her how she has seen beauty standards and pretty privilege evolve over the years, she immediately noted how social media has magnified beauty standards and also has propelled careers like modeling and influencing.

She mentions how both of her daughters have been contacted through Instagram by modeling scouts who requested head and full body shots to send along to modeling managers. She states, “I think the app’s platform has opened up many doors for people who don’t have to go through the tedious and tiring work to get their name out there, like others who are not so fortunate and not noticed as easily.”

I asked her when she realized her appearance shaped how she was treated by others. She remembers always being the “pretty girl” in high school and college. She asserts that a problem she has realized in society lies in how we compliment others.

She notes, “There is too much complimenting on looks and not enough on character, and pretty people benefit most from this.” Nicki is right in how this all comes down to our lookist culture, and how we continuously place more emphasis on appearance than character. I asked if she thinks it’s possible for this to change. She stared into her webcam with a delicate, yet disappointed, look on her face.

“I’m afraid to know the truth,” she answers. After all, that is a fight with science all on its own.

Lastly, I asked Nicki what she would say to those who think pretty privilege doesn’t exist, and I know what you’re thinking—how could someone think that? Believe it or not, many people think being pretty is a detrimental thing.

Nicki laughs at the question and boldly responds, “I think that’s a privileged way of thinking. It’s existed throughout time! Cleopatra, Greek goddesses, even hieroglyphics. Look at the history of art and its depiction of women. Feminine beauty has changing ideals whether it’s rosy cheeks, full lips, and smooth skin, or the bustles women wore beneath their dresses to accentuate their curves. The beautiful woman will marry the king, and the beautiful woman will get a spot on today’s reality shows.”

She goes on about how young girls—from a very young age—are provided with role models of beautiful princesses with tiny waists and slender arms and glowing skin. She points out how people are innately drawn to beauty. She shocked me with an interesting fact she learned while in school for psychology. “I remember learning how young children tend to gravitate to a softer, more attractive face versus a disheveled face resembling a monster,” she pauses and raises her eyebrows, “Crazy right? It’s human nature and being beautiful or attractive absolutely has an affect on social outcomes. I mean, look at pretty privilege right now, today. I wish the world wasn’t necessarily like this, but it’s indisputable. We can do better.”

And, Nicki is right. We can do better. It starts with more people like the above, acknowledging their pretty privilege. On a brighter note, let’s ponder on what transformational coach and writer, Brittany Policastro (who believes she isn’t alone in having taken the massive privilege for granted) has to say: “What an act of rebellion and courage to recognize that beauty can be defined only by you. Our commodified version of beauty is slowly slipping away, and so many more versions of beauty are being brought forward. I think it is better in the light than creeping in the shadows.”

Source: Teen Vogue — Source: *Teen Vogue*

It is about time that society starts the reconstruction of how character needs to be prioritized over looks through changing the way we compliment each other, utilize each other, and what we consider beauty standards in the first place. Let’s make the effort to drop the standards of what’s “attractive,” and in the meantime, let’s stop pretending that attractiveness that does conform to the imposed standards (for the time being) isn’t a privilege. Who’s with me?