Findom Culture: Finesse In Your Bedroom

I was scrolling through Twitter, like nearly everyone does in my generation, and I see a gorgeous girl posed to perfection named Goddess Angelina. I read her caption and it says: “Breaking men physically, emotionally, and financially since 1999,” with a hashtag—#findom. My first thought was, “haha, same girl.” However, when I clicked on her profile and scrolled through her page, I saw that she was getting thousands of dollars through apps like Cash App, Paypal, and a relatively newer site called OnlyFans. I was very interested to know just what this “Findom” thing was all about. On Google, various sources claim that “financial domination is a sexual fetish, in particular a practice of dominance and submission, where a submissive will give gifts and money to a financial dominant.” 

Then came the obsessive research on just what exactly these Findom women do in order to make so much money that they don’t have to work a standard 9 to 5 desk job. I researched this topic for a couple of days to get a better understanding of what goes into doing this alone. So, because I knew it wasn’t going to be easy, I started to feel like if I did this, it may take forever just to start seeing money. I’m just posting any picture and telling people to give me money? Life doesn't work like that. At least, that’s what I originally thought. 

I went through Twitter again and saw women of all ages over 18 posting content ranging from cute, highly sexual, or some outright weird photos and videos of themselves that came with mass adoration in response. Men with submissive Twitter accounts would like, retweet, and comment outlandish things. They would refer to their chosen dominant women as Goddesses and would request things like them kicking their genitals, licking their shoe soles, getting locked in chastity belts for long periods of time, and a lot more that many other people may consider torture. The majority of these submissive men talked openly about how it is their life path to serve a Goddess, and that they live purely to please their Goddess financially. As I scrolled through and got an inside look at this community, a lightbulb of sorts went off in my head. If I could possibly do something like this for fun and pick up the mannerisms of a Findom—just to see how much money I could get—that would be amazing. So, that’s what I did. 

Eventually, I made an account on Twitter a little after I agreed to interview a Findom for this article. The only problem was that I was scared about how the Findom would treat me. Seeing these dominant women mostly make content where they are cussing at and being rude to these men, naturally led me to still see them in that light, even though sex workers often play personas for their jobs. It’s also not uncommon to come across women in the community who are not so kind to others. There was an incident where I complimented a Findom about her content and she subtweeted about me, saying how pathetic I was and that it wasn’t worth her time to talk to me. I’ve come to realize that not every Domme is like that, and there are some really cool girls on Findom. So, I faced my fears and sent out DMs to a couple of Findom Goddesses who I really admired, and women who I felt would give me the time of day. 

The first Goddess’s name is Amanda Ross. She was very sweet and laid back, and we bonded a lot throughout the interview. She broke down how she managed to make $1,000 in two weeks time of starting her own Findom accounts. Ross did not originally intend on becoming a Findom, but read about it and was interested to see what it was about. She has been very successful, which meant that she wasn’t able to talk too much because of her busy schedule—but, she did say how surprised she was when her account seemingly blew up overnight. There came a point where men were constantly DMing her, asking to send her money and Amazon gift cards.  She actually wrote an article about her Findom experience, but she has since deleted her Findom account, so there are no traces of her account or her articles unfortunately.

The second person I talked to was Mistress Yuna, and she’s the owner of website Findom Discord, a site dedicated to Findom/Finsub interaction. Yuna claimed she lived in Chicago, did Findom as a full-time job, and is a Libra. She was also very sweet like Amanda Ross, and seemed open to sharing what Findom has been like for her through the video call feature on her site. 

I'm not going to lie, I was nervous but I also felt confident that Yuna would blow this interview out of the water. Before we were about to chat, she asked if she could bring her submissive to be interviewed as well. For me, it was a “the more the merrier” situation, and I am grateful to be able to provide two different perspectives on the Findom community at once. My hands were literally shaking a bit as I started the interview, but Yuna sounded just as sweet and down to earth as her messages originally suggested. I started off asking about her origin story and how she got into Findom. 

“I started really early, since I was about 18. I was doing this fetish work in conjunction with working a vanilla job and it was stressful, very stressful. At first, it started with phone sex and most of my vanilla work was like not at all like that. So, I had to be very conscious of what I say to people, especially when they piss me off,” Yuna says. She was already showing how authentic she was in her presentation of the reality behind doing sex work and juggling her vanilla lifestyle. 

Yuna also claimed that she feels the Goddesses on Twitter drain submissive men for their money, so sometimes the submissives end up starving themselves. She says, “I don't think that's necessarily right to do it as a get-rich-quick scheme, and I don't necessarily also look at it as a scam or anything like that. It's just moreso like engaging in something that pertains to their real life. And the thing is—the more you restrain yourself from getting the thing you want, the more it consumes you mentally.”

Yuna even talked about finding the balance of her vanilla and Domme lifestyle, and how important it is to “find the balance” of both. I couldn’t agree more with her, especially when she told me how a lot of Dommes get too caught up in the lifestyle, and that it can affect them dramatically.

Yuna’s sub, Joe, was a very quiet guy. He didn’t say much and let his Goddess do a lot of the talking. When asking him about his role as submissive to Yuna, he said, “To be honest, the role as a sub is very versatile. You can be like me, a little more relaxed of a sub. I don't need to be dressed up or anything, that's not me.”

I found this quite interesting, since a lot of subs like to dress up in women’s clothes or bondage-wear for the entertainment of the Goddess, or because they identify as what the Findom community calls “Sissies.” Sissy is a term used in the Findom community that identify men who like dressing up in women's clothes and get turned on doing so. But Joe states, “I'm a more relaxed and laid back sub. It's a way of, after a long day of work or a long month of work and getting paid—I get a release that I don't get anywhere else.” 

At this point, I was wishing I had a sub like Yuna’s—he was very loyal and seemed to genuinely enjoy giving money to her in a way that seemed authentically sweet. I also picked up that he wasn’t expecting anything that would be considered uncomfortable for her in return.

She then goes on to explain to me how Findom was not like how it was 10 years ago when she was first starting.

“Findom used to be "I'll give you money," and the gratification of me giving you money and expecting nothing in return is what gets me off. Now, it's basically moreso a transactional type of thing,” she explains. Her saying that kind of made me want the old FinDom back. I know for me, and probably a lot of other women, it can be hard sometimes talking with these men who want something sexual in exchange for money. 

She continues on to talk about the reason for her opening her own Findom website. What inspired her to do it was the amount of hate she got from other Dommes in the Findom community.

“They were just really dismissive and really bitchy for no reason. So basically, I ran Findom Discord, there's a Cash Master side and there's a Domme side. I don't get too many dommes.” If you’re unfamiliar with the term Cash Master, it’s basically the same thing as a Findom, but for dominant men. Deena also explains how hard it is to run the site when she’s got not only Dommes but Cash Masters to moderate.

“And just, you know the thing is, I've done the impossible. Having them under the same group—they're all starting to drive me crazy.” I couldn’t help but let out a chuckle, because I could hear the frustration in her voice. It reminded me of a mom and her kids who can’t behave. 

“They drive me crazy!” she continues, “But you know, it's getting better, but the thing is mainly that they are learning a lot from each other.” 

Getting to a more serious part of our conversation, I wanted to know what exactly to look out for when messing with Findom. A lot of people look at it and they think that it’s for them just because mass amounts of money are involved, but as Yuna was explaining, it’s much more than that.

“There is a danger with anything that's going to be fetish-work related, and things like that. The online dangers of it would be if you're irresponsible. If you put yourself in a situation where you're compromising your identity and/or fraud. Basically, you can get in trouble with a submissive man, or even the government sometimes. Because even though it's a fetish, it's still technically a form of income, and you need to report that, and some people don't. Another thing is if you're a person who likes real-time things like cash meets, you know, public humiliation stuff, you can get robbed or assaulted. You're putting yourself at great risk doing any type of work in this field of work, regardless. That's why I don't pick just anyone, especially ones who are not used to fetish work, period.” 

Joe also explained how there would be subs who got drained until they have nothing left in the bank.

“I think the subs have to know a point where they're comfortable sending/tributing. They have to know their limits as well,” he says seriously. Yuna explains a certain situation that happened with a trans-sub.

“Yeah, well we gave a sub money. Because basically, he was saying that he was starving because of what a Domme did to him. And, I and other dommes and other subs have contributed to this sub, so this person could eat.” I couldn’t help but be overcome with sadness that someone would actually drain another human being like that without any remorse. Yuna continues, “They usually are going through a lot of mental and emotional stuff as it is. With that financial bomb coming down on them too, that's heightening their depression and anxiety even more.”

It was quite interesting to hear about what goes on behind closed doors when the drain and fun is over. It could leave subs feelings even more depressed or anxious than many Dommes intend. 

To wrap things up, I asked Yuna if she felt that Findom was going to be mainstream. She states, “It is mainstream, it's mainstream right now, like literally it was underground and it came up after the recession when Obama went into office. That was when it became more mainstream, because that was when all the sugar daddy websites starting coming up, too. 10 years ago was when it blew up, but that's where it really kicked off and became more mainstream. People were posting about it on social media.”

That was mind-blowing to me that this was basically as mainstream as Findom will ever get. I couldn’t help but think that maybe in the near future, it might pop off into something similar to that of an Instagram status. OnlyFans has gained nearly household-name status as a service.  

During this process, I made many new friendships and learned so much about value and self-worth through Findom. It’s important that we as young women value ourselves so we feel we’re good enough to call ourselves Goddesses. If you think about it, women throughout history are—in many ways—real-life Goddesses. It was a very delightful experience being in the Findom community and continuing to be a part of it. I plan to stop some time in early 2021, but I’ve made about $6,000 and counting since I began this year. Anything is possible if you truly believe in your craft and work hard to better yourself, and that goes for any job title, whether they’re mainstream or not.