Where's My Mind: A Self-Diagnosis
This article is an online version of the print article for the S/S ‘20 Lexington Line edition. The print version can be viewed here!
I thought I had Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). According to the Mayo Clinic, symptoms may include an intense fear of abandonment, rapid changes in self-identity and self-image, impulsive and risky behavior, intense mood swings that last a few hours, feelings of emptiness, and inappropriate, intense anger. BPD checked all my boxes. I started to use BPD as an excuse to explain those symptoms. In my mind, a self-diagnosis was better than no diagnosis. I’d rather have an answer than none at all. It wasn’t until I met with multiple therapists over the course of three weeks that I realized I may have been jumping to conclusions with my self-diagnosis.
Source: Medium
Following my first intake, my therapist, Rachel, noted that I have mild depression. Then came my second intake with a different therapist, also named Rachel, who told me that I also have generalized anxiety disorder and signs of PTSD. Neither therapist spoke to the mood disorder that I thought I had. After my final intake appointment with my third therapist, James, I was informed that I may not show signs of BPD at all. This was shocking to me, and although it’s not a definite diagnosis, it made me realize that self-diagnosis is never the final answer. It’s not the final answer when you have a cold and look up symptoms on WebMD to find out you should actually be dead, and it’s not the final answer when it comes to mental health. As a result, I realized that self-diagnosing is a realistic first step, but it should not be your last one.
Self-diagnosis is not uncommon. In a poll of 170 LIM College students, 77.6% responded that they have self-diagnosed for mental health, and out of those respondents, 53.9% were professionally diagnosed after that. However, self-diagnosis shouldn’t be the only recourse, because at a certain point, it can become dangerous.
According to Psychology Today, “One of the greatest dangers of self-diagnosis in psychological syndromes is that you may miss a medical disease that masquerades as a psychiatric syndrome.” For example, the symptoms of changes in personality or depression align with the symptoms of brain tumors. Therefore, undermining the role of a doctor by solely relying on a self-diagnosis can completely overlook a medical diagnosis.
Another issue with self-diagnosing is the opportunity to misdiagnose, and misdiagnosing can lead to mistreating. When you have the flu, you don’t take antibiotics. However, if you self-diagnose with a bacterial infection but you actually have the flu, you may mistreat yourself with antibiotics, making you worse. The same goes for mental health.
Source: Glogster
A misdiagnosis doesn’t just happen based on you reading the symptoms and thinking you have a diagnosis figured out. You could be perceiving symptoms that aren’t really there. In psychologist Albert Bandura’s social learning theory, there is an emphasis put on modeling. What this means is that when you see a specific behavior modeled, you may model that same behavior, or if people tell you that you act a certain way, you may believe you do. If you are surrounded by those with specific mental illnesses, you may also begin to feign those symptoms based on constantly hearing about them as if you are experiencing them. If you’re a generally moody person, and people constantly tell you that you are bipolar or “acting” bipolar, you may start to believe and show symptoms of bipolar disorder. These examples represent what leads to a misdiagnosis.
We self-diagnose when searching for answers—and it doesn’t help that we crave the certainty of labels. We feel this need to label ourselves with a diagnosis in order to get help, whether it be through therapy, medication, or other means. However, we may also feel the need to diagnose in order to label our pain and hardships to find a way to actually describe it. It’s much easier to tell loved ones that you are depressed rather than telling them that you have a feeling of emptiness but can still be okay when you’re around your friends, or that you have lost the will to live. It’s much easier to tell those close to you that you have BPD instead of saying that you’re not actually toxic and abusive, but instead feel like you’ve lost your sense of self and can’t control your emotions.
An LIM College student details an experience with self-diagnosing: “I am not at as severe of a level as I thought [with depression]. My therapist has also diagnosed me with generalized anxiety disorder, which I didn’t express. My therapist has given me exercises that are challenging and impactful for my recovery.”
According to the same poll of 170 LIM College students, only 38.2% reported that they go to therapy, and out of those 38.2%, 80.3% go because they believe that they have issues that they have to work through. The remaining 19.7% go to therapy because a professional has suggested it, proving that self-diagnosis truly is a viable first step.
It may be difficult to ask for help due to mental illness being shameful in one’s culture or home life. Another LIM student states, “I believe I have bad anxiety, but I have never gone to a professional to get that checked up. As a Hispanic female, it is frowned upon to seek professional help for mental health.”
Prioritizing your mental health over others' opinions is imperative for personal growth. You can do so in a couple of ways—you can see a therapist or a psychiatrist, and there’s a lot of overlap between the two. To get a professional medical diagnosis with the potential to be prescribed medication would require seeing a psychiatrist. However, to get a generalized idea of the situation, you can see a therapist. Both are helpful in their own respects.
According to LIM senior Emma Trivunovic, who goes to therapy weekly, “It’s the healthiest decision I’ve ever made in my life, honestly. Having an hour every week dedicated to talking about my feelings or whatever I want feels so good. I honestly can’t imagine my life without it.”
Of course, you are the only one who knows how deep your pain and trauma and experience goes, but only a professional can diagnose you and fully understand and articulate the label for your pain. It’s up to you to be willing to embrace that label. When I found out that I didn’t have BPD, I didn’t know how to feel. I then spent a lot of time wondering what was wrong with me. Why was I acting that way I had been for so long? Why was I feeling the way I did? But being open to a diagnosis other than my own has allowed me to come to terms with my mental health and begin to heal myself from the inside.