Notes of Nostalgia: Summer Playlists That Made Me Remember

It was the first day of summer back in 2016. I had just completed my sophomore year at a new high school and experienced what it felt like to be “the new kid” for the first time ever. Luckily, I departed my school driveway having finished sophomore year with my two new friends by my side. We grabbed lunch at a café in a small Connecticut beach town and wandered to the shore where the wind was way too strong and pelting tiny grains of sand at our sun-blocked legs. Tangled in a mix of screams and giggles, we took refuge up top of an empty lifeguard’s chair and looked out at the distant horizon in silence. As we sat up there and watched the seagulls swoop in and out of the air like ribbon dancers we talked about our hopes and dreams for the final half of high school. In that moment I felt a massive shift inside of me—a brief moment of clarity—where all of a sudden the fate of these next three months vividly appeared in my mind.

“You guys? I think I know what I’m going to dedicate my time to this summer.” My friends stopped talking and stared back at me in anticipation.

“This summer I’m going to fall in love with myself.”

On tour

Summer 2016

That day, while lying on the beach, I began building a playlist that would guide me through the humid days and purple skies of summer, and as each week passed I added more and more to this playlist until I had built my perfect soundtrack to the summer of 2016. This “soundtrack” was even more perfect as I had the privilege of seeing over 25 of the bands on this playlist that summer. This playlist holds a vintage undernote with hymns of childhood innocence and a fear of getting older. Relive being a bright-eyed, rebellious teenager with this collection of indie rock and psychedelic beats.

Do you remember that early-2000s movie Blue Crush? You probably knew about it or watched it because, like all young girls at that time, you wanted to be as cool as Kate Bosworth who played a surfer girl from Hawaii. A truly good summer playlist, in my opinion, can make you feel like you’re living your life in a bungalow, as a surfer girl, who sleeps on a hammock with a good book and salty skin. The fact of the matter is that summer playlists aren’t just playlists. They’re a collection of anthems that keep you motivated while the world is warming up but they can also be a set of mantras that keep you grounded and feeling serene. As each summer approached, I found myself making a similar “soundtrack”. Looking back, I now have a collection of snapshots during the pivotal moments of my life—all captured in song.

Greece

July 2017

The summer of 2017 for me entailed backpacking trips and couch-hopping all across the globe. Just like in 2016, I had the privilege of once again touring with a family member of mine who happens to be a well-known musician. For weeks on end, I spent most of my summer nights on grimy green-room couches or sitting atop the speakers while watching my brother-in-law play side stage. Eventually, my sister and I hopped off the tour bus, packed two huge backpacks, and island-hopped throughout Greece for several weeks. The wanderlust tone permeates this summer playlist, “breezy”, and is reinforced by the laid-back sounds of classic musicians such as Bob Marley and J.J. Cale as well obscure tracks from bands like Colouring and Boy & Bear. As the world continues to open up, here is the perfect playlist to take with you along your travels.

Unfortunately, after two transformative summers, my whole life came to a screeching halt. In a sense, the next summer of 2018 was perhaps my most transformative year. But the transformation took unparalleled anxiety, excruciating pain, and a whole lot of fear to get there. After being diagnosed with a brain disease right at the beginning of 2018, I underwent major brain surgery 5 days after my high school graduation.

I wish I had more lovely stories to share about this summer, but the fact is I have none because I don’t really remember anything that happened that year. According to my mother, I was in bed for most hours of the day and pretty much a “flat” human being. That bubbly, energetic personality that once permeated my soul was replaced with fatigue, sadness, and so much worry.

All of the sudden, that promise I made to love myself back in sophomore year went out the window and all the progress I had made in two years seemed like it was never there in the first place. Turns out, it’s really hard to love yourself when you’ve lost your personality, have a half-shaved head with staples in it, and are tied to a bed all hours of the day. Perhaps the greatest lesson I learned from this interruption is that it is much easier to love yourself when you’re living a life you love. When all the smoke and mirrors are ripped from you, you’re forced to face the depths of the love you hold for yourself.

But, some of me must have been left in there because I still made myself a summer playlist that year. Looking back on this playlist is a very confusing experience because it’s almost like I’m learning about a part of my life that I have no idea about.

The playlist, dubbed “smooth jams,” holds a more sober tone than the rest, containing edgier sounds and slower beats. Compared to “breezy” from just the year before, this playlist reflects the drastic halt my whole life took. For those struggling right now who may not have the privilege of having a “footloose and fancy free” summer, here is a playlist to get you through even the darkest of times.

A year later, the summer of 2019, represents the first steps towards recovery. The neurosurgeons sent me home after a week in the hospital, but the fact of the matter is it took me just about three years to completely recover from my brain surgery. This playlist, made almost exactly one year into recovery, represents this healing; the feeling of being underwater for so long and finally seeing the surface. Hope, freedom, and restoration permeate every song in this playlist while also maintaining the hard edge of the previous year’s collection of songs.

After so many years of sickness and depression, I fought an uphill battle to get “Scout” back and I am incredibly happy to say Scout is finally here, and she’s here to stay.

It took me three years to get to this place, but right now I am almost four months free of a hospital visit or medical emergency and I am mentally back in the place I was pre-surgery. The smile on my face is back, flip-flops are back on my feet, and the top of my car is down. I’m finally ready to chase whatever opportunities come my way in the near future. Because of that, I thought I would save my summer 2021 playlist, “happy days”, for last. This playlist bursts with life and joy, but also has a deep sense of serenity that reflects the feeling of finally breaking the surface. If there’s one thing I know, you never know true joy or happiness until you lose it all.

If this summer you’re stuck in the “smooth jams” era of your life, trust that your “happy days” playlist will come. Because even if you can’t live the wanderlust summer or fall in love with yourself quite yet, we all deserve a playlist we can dream to while we work on ourselves. And never forget, hard times now make for ease later, and even if this summer isn’t going exactly how you planned, trust that you are being set up for the next summer to be your best yet. Once we learn this acceptance, the process of healing becomes a whole lot easier.

I hope no matter where you are when you’re listening to these playlists that you, too, are healing.