20 & Me: How I’m Dealing With Change in My Twenties

Turning 20 made me rethink a lot of things.

For example, my financial and overall living situation. I have been working at my job for two years now, but I have had to take on other jobs due to personal and financial reasons. I have considered leaving a couple of times, but I always go back and tell myself to “deal with it.”

The truth is, how the hell am I supposed to deal with being unhappy when I am supposed to be living in the “best years of my life?”

For those of you that are still in high school or just starting college, you should keep reading.

First of all, unless you have a full ride or multiple scholarships, whichever school you choose to attend will not be cheap. I went from paying barely anything for my tuition to paying almost half the price of what my rent costs. I am still living with my parents, so this comes with added responsibilities besides rent. I help out with groceries, basic household necessities, and even things like gas and the everyday Starbucks and Dunkin runs.

While none of this is an issue for me, it can sometimes be challenging to fulfill when I have to save all of my paychecks (which I receive every two weeks) in order to obtain a college education. This was only one hardship I faced once I turned 20.

I worked at two different jobs throughout my junior and senior years of high school, so I already knew what it was like to have to work in order to survive and help my family, but I had no idea it would get so much more necessary as a 20-year-old.

If you are going from working part-time throughout high school to having to work full-time, or even more than one job during college in order to pay for necessities, it might be hard for you to deal with, and you might start having some financial anxiety along the way like I did (and still do).

I had to reject a lot of great job opportunities because of location since I still cannot drive. This might not be the case for everyone in their 20s, but for me, it takes a heavy toll on everything in my life. A lot of my friends and colleagues are already driving and were driving before they even graduated high school. Some of them are in relationships and have things figured out, while some of them are independent and still trying to sort their lives out—like me.

Depression started to enter my life when I turned 20. I have always been a “grass is greener on the other side” type of person— always giving advice instead of getting it. That all changed once I started going through changes, and I began to feel like high school was as good as it got for me.

Some people think that when you go to college it is supposed to get easier. You are on your own, trying to uncover the secrets to successful adulting—while also dying a little bit inside every time you get a disappointing grade or fail a class. To tell the truth, there is no right way to deal with the changes that you may go through or the difficulties you might come across when you turn 20, and thereafter.

Another thing that fueled my depression even further was the endless rejection from other jobs and internships in the fashion industry. I knew it would be hard to find a job in the fashion editorial field after I graduated—but I never knew it would be this hard to find a literal unpaid internship. I try not to get too depressed about it, but since it is something that is crucial to my career, every no takes me to a deeper place.

According to an article from ForHims, “common risk factors for depression include sudden, major life changes and situations that cause you to feel stress.” Transitioning from high school struggles to college struggles, having to take on adulting, and working more than I could study were some of the changes that caused my depression.

Thankfully, my parents are amazing when it comes to making sure I am ok, and even though I still get a little depressed from time to time, I can always depend on them to cheer me up. For those of you that may not have that support, there are so many helpful resources and hotlines out there for you to get the help you need, to make the positive changes in your life, and your overall mental health.

Some of the resources that I used include SAMHSA’s National Helpline, and articles from publications such as Cosmopolitan, & Teen Vogue.

Everybody has their own struggles and experiences, so it is hard to really navigate and relate to all of my freshly-turned 20-year-olds out there, but know that you are not alone. There is one piece of advice, however, that is universal.

Change is absolutely necessary, no matter how difficult, exciting, or overdue it may be.