What A Pleasure: A Self Discovery Journey

With the rise in self-love and self-acceptance, the M-word can still bring a slight blush to your face when brought up in conversation. The female perspective on self-pleasure is rarely discussed, and often seen as shameful. Men seem effortlessly confident in their conversation around self-pleasure. While women have been taught it is distasteful and that men were created to give us pleasure. But shocker, women LOVE self-pleasure.

Despite the backlash, exploring, embracing, and expressing your sexuality is a personal power—an awakening of the self.

Is It a sin?

The shame and embarrassment that comes from masturbation dates back to the 18th and 19th centuries when female masturbation was considered a disease, and was thought to potentially caused psychological or physical damage, like blindness or insanity.

Sexuality was seen as a necessary evil only to be used for reproduction. The church outlawed masturbation and considered it a selfish sin Despite this, there were still a number of descriptions of masturbation in poetry, literature, theater, ballads, diaries, midwifery guys, and medical books.

“Revisiting the historical records of women’s masturbation allows us to consider how women may have performed their sexual desires. But it also allows us to examine attitudes to women’s masturbation in this period, and trace how these attitudes transform with time,” said Paige Donaghy, a PhD Student at The University of Queensland.

Many studies show that women still associate masturbation with shame and guilt. But thanks to the Sexual Revolution, the topic of pleasure was brought back in our lives, and attitudes towards self-pleasure began to shift.
In the 1960s, there was varying influence on youth movements like female emancipation, and oral contraceptives where women were allowed to explore sexually without marital context. Breaking taboos included mainstreaming porn as well as sex education which brought more awareness and practices for them to continue to free themselves.

BE ONE WITH YOURSELF, MASTURBATION IS SELF-CARE.

Self-care is a great way to look at it. Sheet masks, candles, some tea? Or maybe your sex playlist, a toy, and some lube.

The concept’s new, and goes back to ancient Greek poetry describing women pleasuring themselves—archaeologists even discovering dildos dating back 30,000 years ago. The sexual wellness industry has had a surge in recent years with women normalizing the correlation between masturbation and self-care.

“Your mind kind of takes you somewhere nice, it takes me away from reality and what I’m dealing with here,” says Oceana Fulkner, a cosmetology student.

Engaging in self-pleasure can release endorphins and oxytocin which are natural mood enhancers. This response helps reduce stress levels and promotes relaxation similar to eating and exercising. Apart from its stress relieving effects, it also improves your mental health. Due to the release of endorphins during orgasms, it acts as a natural antidepressant, alleviating anxiety or sadness.

“After a busy day, masturbation allows you to take a break from the pressures of life to reconnect with yourself —to chill, and relax,” said Dr. Janet Brito, a psychologist, certified sex therapist, and founder of the Center for Sexual and Reproductive Health in Honolulu, Hawaii.

STOP FEELING GUILTY, RECLAIM YOUR SEXUALITy.

Our sexuality is a portal for self-awakening, and self-pleasure is one of the most powerful outlet for that journey. Unfortunately, society has conditioned us to think otherwise. As women we’ve been trained to think touching yourself is disgusting, and we unknowingly oblige.

The lack of representation in female pleasure is putting women at a disadvantage in many aspects of their life.

“I just have so many thoughts afterward. I think it’s just that we’re told that, even in the Bible, masturbation is a sin, it’s shameful. It’s been taught for years,” said Faulkner.

Many women fear their own pleasure, but masturbating is a way to know your desires both in and out of the bedroom.

Wendy Broich, a sex/intimacy coach and pole dance trainer got her certification to help women reclaim their sexuality, but as a dance instructor, she realized that a lot of women seemed very closed off, and reserved.

“They were showing up for themselves, but it was really hard and you could feel it, you could see it. And I can tell in their movement…” she said. “A huge block was not understanding what they desire and what they wanted.”

It’s important to ease yourself into that headspace, after all, you are your biggest turn-on.

IT IS OK TO BE SEXY, SELF-PLEASURE IS APART OF WOMANHOOD.

Self-pleasure is a mind-to-body connection. It is moving with your body—exploring, and touching your body and yourself your undivided attention and love.

“You are so divinely connected to your body, to yourself, to your curves, your hips, your butt, your boobs,” Broich remarked. “Many think masturbation is just a need that needs to be fulfilled but it is about diving deep and finding your potential, it’s going to become your creative outlet.”

There is no monumental moment that marks the beginning of womanhood, it’s just about showing love to yourself and discovering who you are.

It’s not all about masturbation either—self-pleasure doesn’t have to be sexual.

“It can mean putting on lotion and really taking your time, maybe putting on some slow music or playlist,” Broich said. “In general, [it’s] not inherently sexual. It’s sensual. We can make it sexual but at the end of the day, it is sensual.”

As a new generation is rising, female empowerment is as demanding as ever. Masturbation can be a daunting topic and a daunting activity if you are new to the act. But regardless of where you are in your sex journey, it is important to love yourself in every aspect.

“It’s my birthright, self-pleasure is beautiful. Pleasure is my creative outlet and has guided me to orgasms and all other things,” Broich said.