Duped by Dopamine: How a Decade of Swiping on Tinder Has Changed Gen Z's Approach to Relationships
*Article from Lexington Line Spring/Summer 2023 Issue, pages 32-34.
Check out the full issue here.
When wondering ten years ago how you would meet your soulmate, did swiping right on their selfie come to mind?
“Most definitely not,” says Mary, a 20-year-old Rhode Island college student. “It's crazy that technology has evolved to the point of trying to find love based on a thirst trap.”
Last September, the renowned dating app Tinder turned ten, establishing a full decade of dating habits that have forever altered the landscape of love and relationships.
Although some platforms are intended to help users find committed relationships, Tinder's objective is to take the stress and seriousness out of dating to the point where it's been coined “the hookup app.” It is no surprise that constant immersion in hookup culture has skewed ideas not only about love, but self-worth.
Tinder was founded in late 2012 by 27-year-old Sean Rad and co-founders Justin Mateen and Jonathan Badeen. They agreed that smartphones were the future and wanted to develop a mobile app that allowed people to meet virtually. Initially, the app was designed to emphasize profile information over photos and used buttons rather than swipes to navigate potential matches.
“Using the buttons to move the cards felt clunky, I wanted more fluidity,” Badeen said in a 2017 interview with CNBC. “Finding and selecting the appropriate button felt deliberate and sluggish, whereas in a real-world scenario, the decisions we make are quick, subconscious.”
While the change may seem logical, there was one major flaw—this was not a real-world scenario.
While Tinder users are obviously “real” people, the online dating pool exists on a much larger scale than we would ever experience otherwise. That has its benefits, but the rapid-fire nature of these “quick, subconscious” decisions has led to burnout and a general shift in attitude towards dating. Users are exposed to and converse with so many different people every day that they risk seeing their matches as disposable and interchangeable.
“There is evidence that people are using dating apps to keep up with ‘backburner’ relationships,” according to an article in The Conversation. “This is when someone on a dating app maintains contact with another person in the hope of someday pursuing something romantic or sexual.”
For Gen Z, these backburner relationships have evolved into something referred to as a “roster,” which is a metaphorical lineup of partners to choose from whenever the need arises. Members of these rosters are typically unaware they belong to a group of others who are in the same situation.
Imaan, a 19-year-old New York City college student, argues that there are benefits to having a broad array of choices before committing.
“I don't think it's all that bad,” she says. “Having options before committing can ensure you end up with the right person for you.”
Mary disagrees.
“Hookup culture has really ruined the definition of what a relationship is because now there is such a thin line between being in a relationship and being used for sex,” she explains. “Imagine talking to someone romantically for months, and you find out you're just one of many. Naturally, you would probably feel worthless, discouraged, and honestly—just like shit.”
Rosters are not the only phenomenon resulting from online dating and hookup culture. “Ghosting” occurs when a person completely cuts off contact with someone without providing them with an explanation or closure. Although this can happen in the “real” world, the chances of it happening online are proven to be significantly higher.
“Ghosting can be a dehumanizing, psychologically damaging mental health experience,” according to psychologist Dr. Brad Brenner.
Ghosting as a form of rejection can leave a person feeling uncertain.
"I was talking to this guy for a while, and things like that never usually go anywhere, but I actually liked him and we were planning to meet up,” recalls Tyler, a 19-year-old New York City college student. “Then, he just randomly stopped responding. Honestly, it left me questioning myself a little bit. I was like, ‘Oh, I thought he was really interested in me, but he's not. I wonder what I could have done differently.’ It's an incredibly demoralizing thing.”
A study conducted by Psychology Today shows that Tyler's response was not unusual: most of those surveyed reported experiencing feelings of “self-blame, confusion, low self-worth, and decreased self-esteem.”
Imaan has also experienced the effects of being ghosted. She had been talking with a guy for months, she says, when she started feeling strongly about him, thinking it had potential to last.
“We spent so much quality time together, and it was amazing, but as soon as things got sexual, he never spoke to me again,” she says. I was so stressed and emotionally damaged that I felt sick to my stomach all the time and couldn't move for days. Being ghosted literally made me unable to walk down my own stairs.
Dr. Jessica Strübel of the University of Rhode Island conducted a survey of 437 online dating users and found that Tinder “induces anxiety, causes distress, and lowers self-image and confidence daily compared to non-users.”
There are other indirect psychological effects of using Tinder.
Tyler claims that the language used on Tinder has significantly impacted his self-esteem. As a member of the LGBTQ+ community, he recalls frequently coming across many profiles that list offensive requirements from potential matches.
“Something that is really common to see in gay culture is ‘no fats, no femmes, no people of color,” he says. “As a plus-size Mexican American, I have been exposed to a lot of hurtful language, but it really hurts when it's someone in your own community saying those things.”
In addition to damaging his self-esteem, Tyler says, this language has caused him to experience dating anxiety because he never knows who is a safe match.
Mary says that the language used on Tinder also has an effect on her—but in a different way.
“A lot of the messages I receive are lewd,” she says. “It's hard to even keep a normal conversation going because it all leads back to sex.
After so long, it starts to feel like you're worthless and only enough to be used as an object, which obviously isn't true, but it's hard to think otherwise.”
According to the National Library of Medicine, “Tinder users show greater sociosexuality than nonusers, as well as increased dissatisfaction with their sex life and sexual preoccupation.”
While it may seem like these consequences would prevent users from persisting with the app, Psychology Today reports that the dopamine increase Tinder users experience ropes them into swiping again.
But there are several ways to combat swiping addiction. An article published in Time suggests using affirmations before entering the app. For example, tell yourself, “they're going to evaluate me, but that doesn't define who I am.” This may help to subconsciously reverse impacts on self-esteem and worthiness.
Imaan, Mary, and Tyler suggest taking time away from Tinder when it starts to feel overwhelming or addicting.
“I know it can be really hard to do because you can override the alert, but setting a time limit directly on the app may help,” Imaan says.
Although Tinder has many possible psychological effects attached, there are also many beautiful relationships that have stemmed from the app.
Clementine, a 19-year-old New York City college student, shared her story with online dating, which perfectly exemplifies how to utilize Tinder in the best way possible.
“I was on dating apps for a while and met up with a few different people, but there was never a spark,” she explains. “It started to take a toll on me so I decided to get off all dating apps for a while, but I randomly got back on Tinder and ended up matching with the love of my life.”
Clementine claims it was not love at first sight. However, she notes that now her girlfriend made it clear on her profile that she was looking for a committed relationship, which made it easier for Clementine to approach the situation.
“A big issue for me was the fact that everyone I was meeting up with was not looking for the same things I was, and I always left the dates feeling disappointed,” she says. “But knowing that my girlfriend was mature and interested in more than just a hookup made me think, ‘Wow, this could actually go somewhere.”
A recent survey conducted by Statista revealed that Bumble had surpassed Tinder in the number of paying customers. Although both apps are free, they offer paid services that are meant to increase the likelihood of finding the right match.
Bumble encourages women to make the first move and claims to be “where people go to learn how to establish and maintain healthier connections.” Considering Bumble has more of an intentional and mature demeanor than Tinder, Statista's findings might suggest exhaustion with hookup culture—a little hope that Clementine's desire for communication and maturity in a partner could slowly become the norm.