A Ranking of Timothée Chalamet's Rap Performances
If you were to ask me who my favorite rapper is, without a doubt, it’s Timothée Chalamet. Not Kanye, not Kid Cudi, not Travis Scott. Going by Lil Timmy Tim, Timothée developed this rap persona while attending the prestigious Fiorello H. LaGuardia High School of Music & Art and Performing Arts. Jennifer Aniston, Ansel Elgort, Nicki Minaj, Awkwafina, and countless others have also attended the famous school. Now best friends with his idol, Kid Cudi, Chalamet has also become admired by artists including The Weeknd, Tyler the Creator, and Frank Ocean. As a fellow New Yorker, his fondness for hip hop and rap is truly heartwarming and endearing.
the best performances by Lil Timmy Tim:
7. Ambrosia - 2013
Because I am a fangirl with absolutely no life (hi self-quarantine, how are ya?), I came across this clip after 20 minutes of utilizing my self-taught FBI skills. Since Timothée decided to dance during a majority of his rapping, this is ranked my least favorite—but the dance moves make up for my genuine confusion while watching this. Timothée should not have been reduced to a feature in this performance at The Trash Bar Brooklyn… I said what I said, and I’ll say it again!
6. Kicker Boyz - 2009
This isn’t necessarily a rap performance, but 12-year-old Timothée choreographed this entire thing himself, and then roped in his soccer friends into making this. My heart cannot handle the adorable three minute content of baby Chalamet. However, the super high jump and the rest of the choreography weren’t totally in sync with the rest of the Soulja Boys, giving this performance its place in 6th.
5. Rising Star - 2011
I spent a majority of the time watching this trying to figure out why on Earth Timothée was not in focus. His later Rising Star performances exude more quality and confidence than this one, but it’s a step up from the others for sure!
4. Rising Star Tiny Tim and Co. - 2014
This performance is the definition of chaotic energy. I have so many questions—like, how did Timothée manage to get that many backup dancers? I think Ansel Elgort was right; everyone loves this man. The One Direction diss was also an unexpected factor, but quite funny. His rendition of Justin Bieber’s Boyfriend has me wondering why Timothée isn’t my boyfriend. The Skrillex Bangarang brought back so many memories of high school dubstep music. But, the ending of Psy’s Gangnam Style? Absolutely sent me. I will never fully recover from the whiplash that this performance gave me.
3. Statistics - 2013
If you’ve been living under a rock, then welcome to the Chalamaniacs fan club! "Statistics" is probably one of the most iconic raps that was discovered when the Internet found its newest collective boyfriend. His statistics teacher, Mrs. Lawton, is likely regretting giving Timothée a D+ on this project. That moment when she realized that the probability of Timothée being on TV is 100%... awkward!
2. “Hell’s Kitchen Bed”
I have absolutely no words. I’m telling my kids that this was Eminem. Best lyrics from this performance include: “It's ya boy, Lil' Timmy Tim, AKA 2 inches proud,” and, “But I went to work and I went berserk / And now I could find me a hit” (in reference to dating Madonna’s daughter Lourdes at the time) and “His shit is flaccid / My shit goes hard.”
The reason why this is the second-best performance is because it’s humbling in its nature. Sitting in his bedroom with his friend Jake beatboxing, I can’t begin to imagine what his parents were thinking while this was happening in their home. But then again, his mother, Nicole, bought 50 Cents’ "Get Rich or Die Tryin" for her 8-year-old son from Tower Records, so I can’t be that surprised that this was the glorious result of that purchase.
1. “Rising Star” - 2012
Going to high school with Timothée would’ve been the best thing ever, especially with his annual performances at Rising Star! This is by far my favorite out of all of the performances because it’s just so good. The most iconic lyrics are “Voulez vous coucher avec moi? Oui, je suis from France!” which translates to “Do you want to sleep with me? Yes, I’m from France!” Obviously, the answer is… I think you know. Timothée’s stage presence is commanding, complete with a “TXT ME” shirt, pink wig, Nicki Minaj’s Roman’s Revenge, and a matching pink shirt for his pink sneakers!
I have yet to solve the mystery as to why he’s wearing a backpack for half of the show; even when his friends later came out to give him props. I’m completely okay with not knowing. Some things are best left unanswered.