More Than Friends
Welcome to our column written by Managing Editor Caitlyn Mae Araña, called Catching Up With Caitlyn. Through letters, she addresses the trials and tribulations that come with learning and growing as a 20-something.
This semester, she will be focusing on one particular narrative that has impacted her over the years, although not all articles will be about this one situation. So, tune in for your weekly dose of drama and strap in ladies and gents… Nothing is off limits here.
Dear Ricky*,
This is a story that I never really thought I’d share, and it’s not because there’s anything particularly horrible about it, but more so because it involved you. But, now that we’re going on the rampant journey that is the Jacob* story, we have to talk about you since you played a somewhat big role—whether you know it or not.
We left off in 2015, so it’s only right that we continue on in that era. Everything’s pretty much a blur, but I’ll try to get things as accurate as possible.
By the time that Jacob and Tatiana* had fizzled out, everything that had gone back to normal. Jacob and I weren’t really speaking, which was normal. Tatiana, Ella*, and I were acting as if nothing happened—also normal. The only thing that seemed to be different was me and you. You were one of the people that I confided in during that time. After all, you were my best friend—technically from the womb, since our moms go way back. And so, as life got closer to Alyssa’s Sweet 16, so did we.
I guess it started during those dance practices. You’d ride home in my car, getting us a lot of extra time together. We talked more—at least, more than we already did. Our conversations opened up more. At the time, you had a girlfriend. She was manipulative and toxic, from what I can recall, but the fact that you had a girlfriend at all made me wary of any idea regarding us being a thing.
As it got closer to my own 16th birthday, we had more conversations about possibly being a thing. You still had a girlfriend, and it was becoming clear that you weren’t going to break up with her… as much as you wanted to. But I, being the self-sabotaging and willful 16-year-old that I was, went along with it. I think I had just wanted someone, and you (my best friend) were perfect. You already loved me for me.
We talked about what would happen to the whole friend group dynamic. We wondered if it would completely ruin everything. We decided that we were going to talk to each of them, and if they all were fine with it, we would get together. Obviously, our minds had erased the idea of you having a girlfriend.
I went to Alyssa first. Her being my actual ride-or-die best friend, I wanted to make sure that she was okay with it before anyone else. You and Alyssa are basically cousins, so if it was going to be awkward at all with her, it’d be somewhere in that realm with everyone else. Surprisingly, she was okay with it. I mean, she did admit to it being a little weird, considering how close we all were, but overall, that only left Tatiana and Ella left, except, I never actually got to speak to Ella about it.
I ended up going to Tatiana first and brought up the entire scenario. I told her about our conversations, our plans, and everything in between. While I was telling her, hoping for her blessing, she looked nervous. I honestly thought she was going to shut me down, but she didn’t. She said that she was okay with it, but that I needed to know something first. Apparently, she felt that I needed to know that you and her were exchanging nudes throughout the duration of us becoming whatever we were becoming. How nice of her.
I remember the initial shock of it. I don’t remember feeling sad about it, or angry. It was mostly just a constant state of disbelief. I also don’t remember bringing it up to you. I kind of just acted like it was no big deal. I knew that when the time was right, I’d bring it up.
By the time Alyssa’s Sweet 16 came, I had almost forgotten about you and Tatiana. I remember putting my dress on and feeling very insecure about how I looked. I was getting emotional over my waist and my arms, and how I looked compared to everyone else—this confused you. You looked at me and told me that I was crazy for thinking I looked anything other than beautiful. To you, I was beautiful. And for that night, I was beautiful. You made me feel that way, and it felt good to be on what seemed like the same side again.
But like I said, I almost forgot about you and Tatiana. And as I said before, when the time was right, I’d bring it up. I guess I was angrier than I thought, because apparently the right time would be during our annual Friends-mas holiday celebration. I don’t remember who got there first, but I do remember feeling the tension once Tatiana, you, and I were in the same room. It was pretty uncomfortable for an hour or two. Then came the inevitable game of “Never Have I Ever.”
There were the usual ones, of course. Never have I ever cheated on my boyfriend or girlfriend. One or two people would be found guilty. Never have I ever liked someone else in the group. You and I made eye contact.
Then came whispering, mostly between Tatiana and Ella, plotting their turns. Alyssa and I whispered about what we would say, too. After all, we didn’t want to incriminate each other. Mid-whisper, I was struck with a dramatic stroke of genius.
Never have I ever sent nudes to someone else in the group.
The panic that overcame your face was one of the things I can’t forget about this otherwise blurry time. I also probably won’t forget about how Tatiana cried about betraying you. I walked away with Alyssa trailing behind me, because someone had to calm me down. I mean, my feelings for you were real. Your feelings for me? I’m not so sure about.
Maybe I was out of line for bringing it up that way. Maybe I could’ve gone about it differently. But, honestly, I’m kind of happy about the way it all went down. Things were able to finally end that way. There was no more you and me. There was no more you and Tatiana. Everything was out in the open.
Now, what does any of this have to do with the entire Jacob story? I wish I could say nothing, but unfortunately, I can’t—you ended up playing a bigger role than necessary in this mess.
Only Love,
Caitlyn Mae
*Names have been changed to maintain integrity.