How to Know You’re Being Gaslit
Gaslighting. The dictionary defines it as “manipulating [someone] by psychological means to into questioning their own sanity.” But, we just define it as messed up. This type of emotional abuse can be difficult to uncover—but don’t worry, we’ve got your back.
Gaslighters come from all different backgrounds—and this is where things get tricky. Psychology Today notes that some gaslighters embrace their manipulative actions, some don’t realize they’re doing it, and others have suffered from emotional trauma in the past.
Source: The Scoop Asia
Regardless of which type of gaslighter you encounter, it’s important to recognize the red flags so you can avoid abusive situations. If you think you may be getting gaslit, or you want to protect yourself from it, here are a few signs that you may be in this situation.
Straight-up lies.
Have you ever talked to someone and knew they were lying, but their reaction made you question yourself? Well, you were probably being gaslit. North Point Recovery says that “gaslighters frequently tell lies and act as though they are shocked when they are confronted about it.” This type of manipulation can cause a lot of confusion and you’ll most likely end up thinking you’re wrong—but you’re not. Our best advice to you is to always trust your gut.
Source: MindDoc
It’s you, not me.
The classic “it’s not you, it’s me” presents itself here—but it gets twisted around. During a conflict, gaslighters will often invalidate your feelings, and make you feel that you are in the wrong when in reality, you aren’t. Huffington Post says that some of the most common phrases manipulators use are, “You’re crazy—and other people think so too” and “I’m sorry you think that I hurt you.” If you are in this situation, just know that you are not the problem—you’re being gaslit.
Source: Ideas Imprescindibles
Sorry, not sorry.
Do you find yourself apologizing for things even though you did nothing wrong? Babe, you’re getting gaslighted. Through their scarily stellar manipulation tactics, their goal is to make you feel like everything is your fault. But, we promise you it isn’t. You don’t ever need to say sorry for something that you didn’t do.
Source: GQ
But, I love you.
“I know that I treat you bad, but I love you.” If you have heard those words before, we’re truly sorry. The Healthy reveals that “Gaslighters love to wield your love and affection for them as a weapon against you and will use this phrase to excuse a wide variety of bad behaviors.” If someone truly loves you, they wouldn't treat you poorly. It is important to remind yourself how wonderful you are every single day.
Source: Good Housekeeping
Looking in the mirror differently.
Has someone ever insulted you so badly that you start to believe what they say? Well, this phenomenon is called negging. Some examples of this would be the gaslighter telling you “You would look really pretty if you lost some weight” or “You’re frigid and bad in bed,” The Healthy says.
If someone is constantly feeding you insults or backhanded compliments, they are definitely gaslighting you—and it’s not okay. Just know that this is an issue with them and should not cause you to look in the mirror differently.
Source: Guy Hepner
We hope that these few red flags help you identify this form of abuse. Being gaslit can significantly impact your mental health and it is important to be aware of the signs. If you feel like you are in this situation and it is getting out of hand, please reach out to a loved one or the hotline below.
National Domestic Violence Hotline
800-799-7233