Relationship Hard Truths You Need to Hear

Are you feeling stuck in your relationship? If so, it’s time to get the hard truth. As a twenty-something-year-old girl trying to navigate the dating field, I am no stranger to asking the internet for advice. You may find yourself wondering, “Why on Earth would I trust some random person for relationship advice?” To that, I say: After years of listening to all Taylor Swift’s saddest songs on loop, eating copious amounts of chocolate, all while scouring the internet and library bookshelves for divine answers to my latest relationship blunder(s), I think I may have discovered a few things that have proved to be useful.

Here are five hard truths about relationships that you probably need to hear.

*Disclaimer: I am not a relationship guru or expert. Results may vary. Best of luck, babes!

Hard Truth #1: You Come First!

You have probably heard the term, “other half” used in regard to relationships, but a crucial thing to understand is that you are whole without someone else. Believe it or not, you can be in a relationship and still focus on yourself. If your partner is your only source of validation, you probably won't feel fulfilled or happy when it comes time to go off on your own. You can avoid this by working on the relationship you have with yourself.

Brittany Packnett has an amazing TED Talk about building confidence that I think everyone should listen to. She talks about how revolutionary a journey it is to love yourself. Packnett explains that you have to give yourself permission to be confident.

“Confidence is the necessary spark before everything that follows.”

— Brittany Packnett

Lara Violetta also released a very insightful YouTube video about self-care habits for people in their 20s. She offers seven relatable ideas to build compassion for yourself.

Hard Truth #2: The perfect partner doesn’t exist

Sorry to burst everyone’s bubbles, but the perfect partner that you’ve been envisioning in your head for years doesn’t actually exist. Nor is it your significant others’ responsibility to be the idealized version of them that you daydream about. Putting your partner on a proverbial pedestal is unfair to both of you. First of all, it is unfair to you because they will eventually disappoint you when they do something that deviates from the story in your head. Secondly, it’s unfair to them because they most likely have no idea that you romanticize them this way, and they did not ask to be idealized. Doing this will only serve to hurt all parties involved. If you need someone to fantasize about before you go to sleep, try making a fictional character the main character in your story.

Learn more about this by checking out these YouTube videos from Susan Winters and Kennie J.D.

Hard Truth #3: “Happily Ever After” Doesn’t Exist

We’ve all read the fairytale love stories that end with the couple riding off into the sunset together, never to fight another villain again. It makes sense that after growing up constantly consuming this narrative, we would begin to expect it in real life. Unfortunately, real life doesn’t work that way.

There is no point in a reality where we can just sail through life and never have any type of conflict again. Love is so intentional, and it takes genuine effort from both partners. It may prove to be useful to brush up on some conflict resolution and boundary-setting skills with your partner in order to navigate disagreements in a healthier fashion. It is also important to remember to try to stay calm and kind during the conflict, which is way easier said than done, but ensures no one feels disrespected.

Here is more information from Psych2Go on YouTube!

Hard Truth #4: Learn How to Love Your Partner

Something that is often overlooked in relationships is learning how to give and receive love and attention. Your partner cannot read your mind and it is unfair for you to expect them to. In order to get the kind of love you desire from your partner; you must have a conversation about what you both need. Learn about attachment styles and love languages so you can effectively love, not only your partner but, yourself too. During this conversation, it might be useful to discuss boundaries and expectations as well. It is better to be direct than to be hurting and your partner has no idea. Remember to respect your lover and their boundaries.

Check out this YouTube video from Psych2Go and the Relationship and Relationshits Podcast to learn more.

Hard Truth #5: Know When It is Time to Go

A partner is an addition to your life, but not a necessity. If your partner constantly stresses you out and doesn’t add value to your life, it may be time to cut them loose. Not everyone who walks into your life is meant to be a part of it long-term. If you find yourself sacrificing your own happiness and well-being for someone else, it may be time to step back and re-evaluate. This is not so much a solution as it is a resolution, so only break up with them if you have had conversations about what you want and need, and nothing seems to be changing. Don’t make any haste decisions that you might regret later, but also reflect on the relationships to make sure it is still serving you in some way.

Learn more from this YouTube video from Susan Winters.

If you do choose to end things with your person, here is a playlist that can help you get through it.

Remember that there is plenty of other fish in the sea, ones that can introduce you to love you weren't quite sure existed outside of rom-coms and love songs, as cheesy as it sounds. You deserve a love you don’t need to heal from and it’s up to you to embody that love, so you can covet it. Love takes so much practice and patience and realizing this is the first step to getting everything you want and need out of your interpersonal relationships.

With that being said, self-love is the greatest love we will ever know. Relationships with other people will only go so far if you don’t love yourself. You can only meet people as deeply as you’ve both met yourselves, so focus on you and all other loves will come in due time. If no one has told you in a minute: I love you and I believe in you, you got this!

Do you have any relationship hard truth suggestions? Leave a comment below.