The Male Loneliness Epidemic

As Halloween becomes a distant memory, cuffing season is now upon us. While the weather becomes colder—and our days become shorter—everybody is looking for that special person to shack up with.

The bad news: studies show there may be little to no hope for singles.

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In 2017, U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy reported that loneliness is becoming the newest health epidemic. Published in the Harvard Business Review, his article notes how dire the situation has become.

“Loneliness and weak social connections are associated with a reduction in lifespan similar to that caused by smoking 15 cigarettes a day,” he writes. “Loneliness is also associated with a greater risk of cardiovascular disease, dementia, depression, and anxiety.”

While multiple studies have been conducted since, the topic did not gain national attention until recently.

On social media, men have equated this feeling of loneliness to a lack of romantic involvement. Yet, the issue runs much deeper than that.

In a research study conducted by the Survey Center on American Life, only 27% of modern men report having at least six close friends—a nearly 30 point drop from the 1990s. Of these men, only 30% say they have shared their personal feelings with a friend in the span of a week.

The lack of any social, emotional connection puts humans at risk of lifelong health complications. But why are men taking the brunt of this epidemic?

Men are less likely to form and foster emotional connections. While this may be due to societal expectations highlighting emotional intelligence as a predominantly “feminine” trait, these stereotypes are killing men.

In 2021, men died by suicide 3.90 times more often than women. Psychotherapist and mental health physician Imi Lo explains how this could be connected to cases of alexithymia.

At its most basic, alexithymia refers to difficulty understanding emotion and is 7% more likely to be diagnosed in men. This lack of knowledge often leads to the suppression of emotion, creating damaging consequences for both physical and mental health.

In an article for Psychology Today, Lo explains how emotional suppression may lead to chronic pain, increased heart rates, and difficulty breathing. Those experiencing alexithymia are also twice as likely to suffer from depression.

There is no simple solution to this loneliness epidemic. While going to therapy and nurturing positive friendships may assist in bringing men out of their emotionally stoic shells, those options are not an end all be all. Real change must begin at a societal level.

To avoid “feminine” behavior, young men have been taught to avoid any emotional communication besides anger for centuries. However, in a 2021 Nature study, researchers concluded that men’s and women’s emotions are “clearly, consistently and unmistakably more similar than they are different.”

The moment we begin to raise young boys and girls in a similar manner regarding emotional intelligence is the moment we finally solve the “male loneliness epidemic.”

Sorry cuffing season, you may be waiting a while.

Comment below with your thoughts on this epidemic.