The Stranger’s Project: The Meaning Behind Sonder
“I am dying, and nobody knows.”
That was the first story I read after slowly walking up to a window full of stories that were equally, and at times more overwhelming than that one.
Stories that hang gracefully inside a small room full of people with internal screams and subtle faces.
Mere thoughts and secrets that no longer want to be kept fill the minds and hearts of those visiting and sharing. Everyone gets a taste of their own tears after skimming through a couple and reading the room. To some this may be exhausting but to others this is exhilarating.
Sonder is realizing everyone has a life as complex as your own. I find by being able to participate in writing something that can make a difference in your life, or someone else’s is better than any form of social media. It’s a raw way of connecting to the hearts of others in an anonymous way through any form of commentary.
Source: Instagram
After wandering and doing some reading of a few stories myself I had the opportunity to meet the founder of this project; Brandon Doman. He is also an artist, speaker, and developer from Brooklyn, New York but raised in Ann Arbor Michigan.
Brandon always had a connection towards participating in ways to improve mental health and socializing with other people, so he started off working with Send Silence Packing which is one of Active Minds largest suicide awareness national programs. This travel program consists of 1,100 backpacks being displayed representing the 1,100 college students who die by suicide each year. According to the University of Michigan, Suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death among college students. That’s where he first started to learn not only about students but critically think about the lives of others and how he could contribute to that as well as bring awareness.
“I’ve had the opportunity to take this program on the road to college campuses and city centers in over 60 cities over six separate tours,” he says.
“On each tour, me and my tour partner would interact with thousands of students, faculty, and strangers as we discussed various aspects of mental health and how we can all create positive environments for both us and our communities by taking steps to increase conversations about mental health.”
In 2009, after going to school for creative writing he created his own organization; the Stranger’s Project. He started off writing on a poster to see how many people would participate, that’s when two people turned into ten and ten turned into hundreds and thousands. He’s done this project in more than 100 cities now.
The Stranger's Project is a collection of over 30,000 anonymous true stories written as journal entries on the spot by passing strangers that is shared on platforms like TikTok and Instagram.
“Every story in the collection is handwritten in the moment in a space like you're at now, where nothing is mailed in, and nothing is sent in online, it can only be written by pen and paper”, he says.
All the pieces are either an encouraging word, someone’s past and present written in a paragraph, or a random thought that turns into valuable lesson or resource.
“The result is a mosaic of stories from the lives happening around us at every moment.”
He explains “the project is an interactive space that invites people to stop, be curious, and hopefully write a story of their own in a moment of spontaneous intimacy.”
For the people that choose to share, the project was made to create pathways and a safe space for people to open up naturally and be vulnerable without feeling like they're being forced or shamed. For the people that choose to read and sit in someone else’s shoes for a few minutes it helps you develop an understanding and helps you show more empathy after seeing what life is or isn’t like apart from yours.
The stories in the Strangers Project is not necessarily a place where you’re likely to be entertained but as a way to connect with other people through our experiences and written word.
When visiting the Stranger’s project, it is likely you will stumble upon strangers. However, not too many people are aware of how the meaning of sonder spews from the stories in this project that are written and received.
What does Sonder mean to you?
“I would say that sonder to me means feeling like you're not alone in the world and that there are other people who experience hardships and go through similar things in life.” says an anonymous eighteen-year-old girl from Queens, New York.
She explains how the first thing that caught her eye was the number of stories because not only was there a line pouring out the door but there was also a pool of people inside. Aside from stories hanging there were books placed on the walls full of many more, there were also clipboards and minimal seating to grant yourself the possibility of your story getting posted.
“It’s too hard to pinpoint the first one that I read but just seeing how many people were there, how many stories were posted, and how many people were willing to write and read I would say piqued my interest, the whole vibe of the place is so positive, and it was a very emotional experience.”
The place seemed quite small and hard to find due to the small signage, but the commotion makes you stop and stare. Most of the people who did that ended up making their way inside, captivated like the rest of us.
“I saw videos on TikTok about the stranger's project and it caught my eye because I feel like it was a such a beautiful concept to experience with my friend.”
She added, “It allows people to know that they're not alone, like whether you choose to read or write you see a plethora of many stories from people who have similar experiences and I think that's really special. A lot of people these days are not open, people tend to keep a lot of their feelings inside. Me for example.”
According to Mental Health America, major depression affects more than eight percent of adults each year. “Some people may want to share personal experiences or even just sentimental memories because they may not be able to share with the people around them so I think having a platform to share and have it be anonymous is a great way of connecting with others. You're also understanding that other people either feel the same way that you do or are going through the same things,” she says.
She talked about her feelings after reading everybody's stories. “I definitely felt so much emotion, overwhelmed I guess you can say. There were stories that made me tear up, want to cry, made me smile and there were stories that made me feel for other people and I could relate to myself. I felt connected to some of the writers and I don’t even know them. I’m connecting to a stranger through a piece of paper.”
“As far as seeing how people interacted with each other I just think everyone was just so genuine and everyone was very nice and just moving along with one another and it just seemed like a very positive place overall, just good vibes.”
“I would say that I had an amazing experience and I think that everyone who lives in the area or can come visit NYC should visit the strangers project because it really changes your mindset.”
It allows you to see how other people view the world and how other people are feeling. You start to feel empathy or sympathy for that person. People you don’t even know and will probably never meet. Everyone is their own person, everyone feels and goes through similar things, but people process things differently and I think that reading everybody's stories allows the reader to see life from another perspective.
I think this is a way for everybody to come together to share a special moment without even knowing it and learn to be more understanding towards someone else’s situations like I think people need to be a bit nicer to one another because it really shows you that you don't know what a person's going through.
Her friend who was a twenty-year-old women accompanied her on this journey. She wanted to share her favorite story.
“I really like this story because I can connect to it personally.” (Slide 1)
I found it surprising that she picked that story out of all the one’s there since I connected to a few a little differently. That’s when I realized that’s we are experiencing sonder in this very moment and this very place provoked that feeling. Another person’s story can grant you a sense of comfort to someone who can relate. Even when stories are different, just by being able to compare as to why that is so is what makes moments so special.
She started to express how she was familiar with the feeling of being heartbroken. When you feel like you can't eat, you can't sleep or do anything really without your significant other. “I think that this story can connect with so many others who are suffering from a breakup or just the loss of a lover.”
“I really like how in the end it was a lesson learned and she still views it in such a positive light which encourages me,” she added.
In this singular story and many others you can end up digging so deeply unintentionally. She was able to get a visualization and meaning from an honest story. “She was in a relationship with in such a healthy way where she realizes at first, she felt horrible, and how after the separation life may have felt pointless but overall, they taught her that it's such a gift to be able to love someone so deeply and to be vulnerable with somebody.”
“I learned that the hard way.”
I realized that it’s easy to get caught up in your own personal life that you forget that there are so many other people out here and yes they’re strangers but that’s what makes the stories interesting. These are stories that you might not get a chance to hear without going to this one place. Life is a learning experience in itself and this place just participates in that.
In my opinion, this is a great way to bond with your friends or to do as an individual. After being able to write my own story, it felt like a liberating experience. It granted me a safe space to reflect and recover from what was weighing heavy on my heart. Then after talking to two people and observing I was convinced that this place contributed to the healing of one another or even learning to put yourself in an uncomfortable situation since life can be...uncomfortable.
For more information you can check out Brandon Doman’s book or any of his YouTube videos.