Oops, I Slept With Your Boyfriend

I met my one-night-stand when I was visiting my hometown. I chide myself when I find out too many details about someone who I preordained to remain a mystery to me. My snapchat unfortunately had a different agenda, as it indicated by putting his full name on display as a suggestion for quick add.

My curiosity led me to stalking his Facebook, where I quickly discovered his two-year long relationship. I picked my jaw up off of the floor and began to investigate their relationship. I didn’t need any more confirmation—their Instagram bios flashing their anniversary dates was all the evidence I needed.

I addressed him immediately, “Are you kidding me? You have a girlfriend?!”

He responded, “Yes, she’s my partner. We’re in an open relationship. We’re doing the distance thing, and this is what we’ve been doing for awhile.” He described this as “non-monogamous.” I didn’t know whether or not to believe him. I have a tendency to be too trusting.

When the unsettling feelings resolved, I listened to their story. They met in college, and halfway through her bachelor’s degree, she transferred to another college across the country. They were in love, but also in their sexual prime. For them, an open relationship was a sensible solution. Their emotional needs are flourishing, meanwhile, their physical needs are begging to be met. Sex became their fundamental disconnect, but it wasn’t worth ending a emotionally fulfilling relationship over.

It’s been speculated that in relationships, a lack of sexual interaction can be a downhill spiral toward other contributions—inevitably leading to a failed relationship. Their relationship is a prime example on how an open relationship can be one way to prevent that.

An open relationship is an umbrella term for any type of relationship that is not based on exclusivity. There are many types of open relationships—swingers, monogamish, polyamorous, ethical non-monogamy, polyfidelity, polygamy, and relationship anarchy. There are many versions of an open relationship, and the terms can get confusing. The guy I met is in an open relationship. He and his partner are allowed to have sexual experiences outside of their relationship, but not allowed to experience love or romance with sexual partners outside of their relationships.

They both separately have multiple partners, casual affairs, and the sexual drive within their own sexual relationship thrives on the jealousy ignited by these outside encounters. I found it laughable, if anything, that his girlfriend knew every detail of the night we shared before I could even process it the next morning. As I became more educated about the details of this kind of relationship, I was no longer angry. It was intriguing to learn about, and I thoroughly enjoyed picking his mind.

The idea of a non-monogamous relationship is very perplexing. What is the fine line between being in an open relationship and cheating? When does casual sex turn into infidelity? I may not have an answer as the rules seem to be different for everyone, but for them? The simple solution was communication. The moment one of them emits information, it becomes dishonest.

Physical connections happen easily, but emotional connections are hard to find. These should be cherished once we do find that. Sex is a human need. It is essential to our health. It stimulates our brain. Like him, I was trying to fill a temporary void. Sex is fleeting, but emotional connections last lifetimes. If we could get over the possessiveness and societal norms, we might have healthier relationships.